I Was Raised To Be Charming, Not Sincere.

Reasons to be Happy #10

1. Blooming tea flowers

2. Pellegrino's limonata

3. Push-up bras

4. Microwaves

5. Princesses

6. Sassy gay men

7. Bagels

8. Very-Mary-Kate

9. Purring kitties

10. Quality Commercials

Oh my oh my. Once again I'm so exhausted and need to go wash my hair of pounds of glitter and hairspray. Today, I literally woke up at 2, watched Law and Order, talked to Eddie on the phone for maybe an hour and then went driving. Then Sierra and I went straight to rehearsal, which I am NEVER ready for. I love being in this show, but I get so stressed right before I go onstage. I literally sat and cried the other day because I felt like I was not going to make my costume changes/counting. We have an audience tomorrow. I hope at least a couple people I know come. I would be so grateful. My hair was different tonight, and it worked a lot better, and I was right at the end of Steps of The Palace for the first time in the history of this show-so thank you god. I ignored a creepy awkward text that I received...when I opened it I actually felt a chill run up my spine. No one in their right mind would read my blog but if you are reading this creepy texter, please know that when I say "I'm busy forever." it is not an invitation for you to continue trying to get a hold of me, especially at strange hours of the night. I don't want to see you, converse with you, or even associate with you. You are creepy and I hate being around you. I ignore you and you continue to tell me that "you know what I'm thinking" and all of that contrived bullshit. The fact is you don't know what I'm thinking, because if you did, you would just leave me alone. Me ignoring you is not because, "I'm scared to take the next step." It's because I have no interest in you, oh and by the way-take a shower. I find it offensive that you don't even try to impress me at all, you literally show up (unannounced and uninvited) to my house and you don't even bathe?! Then you proceed to tell me about it. I cannot handle your bad hygiene. PS: You are pretentious. Stop. You don't know me at all! You don't know my past relationships. You don't know that I had a "weak bond" with my ex boyfriend and that you would be so much better because you understand me. You are a fucktard. I have a better bond after breaking up with my ex than I will ever have with you, starting with fact that A. He's actually interesting and B. I don't feel like I'm going to get raped if I'm left alone with him. Oh and when you say things that are rude about my ex, I just think you're an asshole, because he happens to be a very good person and you don't know him at all. He put up with my shit and not the other way around so please stop acting like I'm a fucking saint because I'm not. It's so fake. I can't stand you trying so hard to get in my pants. If you actually paid attention to anything I said at all you'd know that it's never, ever going to happen. I repeat I will never fuck you. I have no desire to. I know that may a be shock to your oversized ego, but honest to god, GIVE UP. Leave me alone. Like I told you before, I'm busy. FOREVER.

Sorry about that rant, but I can't actually send that to him because I just really can't deal with that confrontation right now, so I just ignore him. Jesus though, don't you think that if someone ignores you and tells you blatantly. "I'm busy forever." you would take a hint? I only honestly can only deal with gay men. It's probably because I've realized how much of a mess I was with straight guys before so now I'm afraid to even look at them (not that I would ever look at him, because he is the definition of gross.) This is the first time since the 8th grade that I haven't been pining after a boy. The Dalai Lamas says "remember, the best relationship is one in which your love from each other, exceeds your need for each other." I think that I was really mixed up about this earlier. I remember distinctly hearing someone say to me that they "didn't need me." and it completely breaking my heart. But what an amazing epiphany for them to have! And now for me. I feel wonderful about this.

Okay I have to take a shower. Preview night is TOMORROW.

Ahhhh.

No dreams.

Definition- Shoes- Item bought in order to achieve happiness. The more shoes there are, the more happy you become.

Piece of mind: Thank you.

"When you realize that you've made a mistake take immediate steps to correct it."

I wish...