We Were Not The People That We Turned Out To Be

Reasons To Be Happy #31

1. Scooby Doo

2. Spaghetti

3. Mary Poppins

4. Flat pumpkins

5. Interesting names

6. Little Monsters

7. Whistling

8. Braided belts

9. Familiar faces

10. Merry Happy- by Kate Nash

Right now I'm facebook chatting Karl and having a bowl of spaghetti. I also just downed like 4 cups of vanilla maple tea. Mmmm fall. Today was not very eventful actually. I woke up at 1...the usual, and then set off to get coffee and drop off a halloween costume-sadly no one was home...So I talked to Carolyn on the phone for like an hour and then headed to the mini-pumkin patch by my house! I picked out a beautiful Cinderella pumpkin in my 6 inch heels. I got A LOT of funny looks:) Trekking through mud in my spice world shoes! Wonderful:) I also drove by the house I grew up in today-just to see what it looked like now. It was always so beautiful there in the fall-I just had to see my tree stump of my beloved maple. I gazed at the fence I helped my father build, my old treefort, the orchard. Life is funny isn't it? After that I headed to drop off the costume. That was an interesting event. It was a little Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind for me. I thought if I could go back and change this memory...or if I could just keep this one...just the way it is...and then there was a moment where I thought I'm okay-the memories don't affect me at all. I kind of wished I would just stop remembering though. My mind was a total clusterfuck of thoughts. It went well anyhow, the conversation I mean-So I guess part of my brain was still engaged. After that I went to the show. My car is such a mess. There's no garbage...but CLOTHES everywhere. Well at the show, I did fairly well! The was a large selection of food backstage per usual-haystacks, veggie platter, cookies, candy, watermelon, banana bread. Delicious. During the Act 1 finale I tripped so hardcore on the blood glitter though. I would have face-planted had Matt not caught me. Of course this caused me to do the rest of the number laughing out of my mind. Tomorrow is closing night and my goal is to learn the words for the Act 1 finale-for I still don't know them. "If you want your wish you can blahblah wish...wish...wish?" Is pretty much what comes out of my mouth every night. During rehearsal Matt and I used to list of different kinds of food "Chimichanga wish, jolly rancher wish.." Doesn't really work during an actual performance I've found. Anyhow! Heidi Fredricks, my beloved acting coach and friend was there tonight and I was so nervous! Which is just silly, because she will love whatever we do-but I just adore her! I found her in the audience immediately-along with Harrison, who decided to sit front row. Carolyn was hardly pleased:) I got really really emotional during No One Is Alone tonight. After the show, I walked with Matt to the car-usual, and then rode home-singing Mariella. My brother had two friends in the driveway...new ones that I don't know well. It's odd how my brother's friends work: there's the ones that are like my other brothers: Ben and Coop and Fig and Ezra and Clayton...pretty much, give or take. And then there are the shy ones that I don't remember their names-who are sweet but awkward. And then...then there are the show off annoying ones who don't understand our age difference...Please dear god don't hit on me. It makes me want to roll into a ball and die that the only person who hits on me is a 13 year old, and I'm sure that my brother also finds it weird...No it is not fate that we both like hummus....gross. I had a wonderful chat with Daphne just now! I asked her what she was doing and she literally said "oh not a lot. I'm headed to Paris..." WHAT. I wish that was my life-"Oh not much, going to the Eiffel Tower-maybe Versailles if I get bored...you know." I actually just sighed:) She said she will think of me there. I can't wait to go back! Oh my, well I must retire. Tomorrow I'm going to surprise Danny with a pumpkin pie milkshake after his classes...if I ever wake up:) I shall try!

Definition: Vegetables- Disgusting.

Piece of Mind: Today during No One Is Alone I looked up to find Heidi sitting in the second row-right where I usually sing to. I starting singing to her and then I started to cry. I remembered my first lead-Timoune in Once On This Island. I was so scared. I had zero confidence-Heidi was the acting coach, and my hero. There was this one day I remember where we were sitting in the studio, going over my lines, just me and her, analyzing scene by scene. We got to the part where Daniel leaves Timoune. He says "I thought you understood that we could never be together." and then she falls apart. She cries, she hears voices. And as I was losing my mind, pouring out my soul for the first time ever-Heidi started crying. I remember looking at her and asking if I had done something wrong and she just smiled through her tears and said "No. You just get it." I lost it tonight during that song. I could see her crying in the audience, and I started too and I just couldn't stop.

"I shouldn’t want the song to end. I always think of each night as a song. Or each moment as a song. But now I’m seeing we don’t live in a single song. We move from song to song, from lyric to lyric, from chord to chord. There is no ending here."

Tomorrow this song ends. I wonder what the next one has in store for me.

Goodnight lovely.

Skeleton You Are My Friend

Reasons To Be Happy #30

1. The past

2. Independence

3. Samara

4. The Schwan's man

5. Toothpaste

6. Drag queens

7. Solving mysteries

8. Love

9. Clean fingernails

7. Pomegranate

8. Mismatched socks

Hello! Blog post number 30! I can hardly believe that I've actually kept up with something for that long. I'm proud:) Today I woke up to Samara talking to Sierra in the other room-because she didn't want to wake Andra and I-but was talking so loudly in the other room that it woke me anyways. Then the 4 of us sat on Alayna's bed and chatted about life for awhile. Samara must've been afraid of Andra's reaction to being woken up because I just can't think of any other reason that she would opt to wake Sierra over me. I'm so pleasant in the morning whereas Sierra is truly an evil dragon (no offense I love you.) Anyhow I went downstairs and enjoyed a nutritional breakfast on mini-deep-dish pizzas. Then I watched Project Runway and headed home. Once home I cleaned, got dressed, watched some Family Guy and then headed to the mall to meet my mother! She bought me a pair of shoes, and a new pair of knee highs. So kind:) It's almost 5 in the morning so I'm sure this post is yucky...blehhhh. After we putted around the mall for awhile I went to Capital Playhouse to get ready for the show-and was super early so I went and got coffee with Jo the sound guy! I love listening to Jo talk because he just got married a couple months ago and he ADORES his wife. It's so cute. He told me all about how she bought him a new tie and about how he was trying to find the perfect place to take her on a date. He's always so giddy when he talks about her, I just love it:) After coffee I got ready for the show and then went to places. Carolyn made these bomb haystacks so of course me and my fatty self ate like 5 of them. Then Jeff said "Once upon a time..." and I just walked onstage and sang "I wish.." completely on auto pilot and then internally was like "shit when did I get onstage there's an audience..." No big fuck ups today...that I remember. Steps Of The Palace went surprisingly well. They filmed too. The audience was really small but it was full of familiar faces. Starting with my first grade teacher who was sitting in the first row, next to Brenda of course. Jessica Yost was sitting behind them and I could see Bruce in the back. Anna was by the aisle, so that was a nice face to pan to also:) I LOVE Anna! After the show, Matt walked me to my car (like a perfect little gentleman.) Sweetheart:) I will miss him...only two more shows-so strange. Anyhow, as soon as I got home there were so many woodland creatures gathered in my yard (4 deer...6 bunnies) that I became overjoyed with the fact that I might indeed be a real princess! so I did the most logical thing possible, I sang to them! It was just lovely! So lovely, that it inspired me to make a run to Tops and pick out a pomegranate and a loaf of french bread. Tops was not very fun this evening-I don't know what triggered it but it ended up turning into an unwanted trip down memory lane...Brain stop being so spastic and focus on something else useful. Oh my god I'm so tired, it's five in the morning. Anyhow I stopped by and ate my pom with Sierra-we watched some Project Runway (Season Finale) and then I drove back home. I wanted Mondo to win PR-his collection was absolute sass. I always eat my pom out a bowl-like cereal...Isaiah taught me how to do it and it's probably the only way I will eat it now. I will write something meaningful tomorrow -I'm drifting in and out of precious slumber.

"But I won't regret, cause you can grow flowers from where dirt used to be."

Goodnight!

She Went To Her Wardrobe And She Threw Away The Color

Reasons To Be Happy #29

1. Purple

2. Loose leaf tea

3. Ghandi wisdom

5. Cranking the heat

6. Four leaf clovers

7. Crossword puzzles

8. Mennonite honey

9. Running into someone you like

10. All things coffee

11. Weaving

Today went well! I fell asleep in awkward position and woke up super early because of it-but I moved and slept till one. I agreed to lend out a halloween costume and skyped with Rachel for awhile after I awkwardly walked by a man painting my door whilst wearing nothing but my towel (me...not him.) I then went and got some coffee-and seriously downed it in like 5 minutes. Then I checked up on some job apps and bought some loose leaf relaxation tea from radiance. I'll go back and buy some more tomorrow, it's really good! I need to get a different strainer though because mine sucks...the holes are way to big. I also purchased a little good luck charm of the earth with my favorite quotation engraved on it; "We must be the change we wish to see in the world." Ghandi. I then had a nice chat with Catherine (so good to see her!) and we planned to meet up again soon for...surprise..coffee:) After that I talked to Carolyn on the phone for like an hour and we had a quality conversation about frustrating events taking place. Then we agreed that we needed to bond a lot because Meg and Amy were supposed to be close (well in the book at least.) After all of this I headed home and made delicious tea, and had a couple bites of some ham, then made cookies for Josh. I spent a lot of time with my kitty. She's really needy:) I called Andra to see if she was heading over and she said she was soon-then Sierra called and said she was alone at the house so I called Andra back and said that we were spending the night in Cedrona! I drove out-listening to Kate Nash the whole way. Then Andra and I made some toast and I weaved a hemp bracelet while Sierra watched Criminal Minds and Dancing with the Stars. She got really pissed at me because apparently she's super emotionally invested in Criminal Minds and I wasn't getting into it. Then Gypsy (Doxen) attacked Apollo (Pom) so I had to put the little shit in her carrier and she barred her teeth at me the whole time. Then Apollo cried for like 5 minutes and we took him upstairs to cuddle-but he smelled rancid so we locked him out...and then he chewed up another razor blade and I cried because that's just not something I can handle. We also almost ate a whole bag of candy and I definitely drank a large pot of tea-alone. We gave Apollo a bath soon after and he was not pleased. He looks like a rat when he's wet. A cute rat. Then Sierra and I got into a heated debate over whether we should watch Ice Sculptures or Rock of Love. I love Bret Michaels. Time for me to have some water and hit the sack:) It's been a long been a long been a long been a long day.

Definition: Little things by the counter at the store- Are always so tempting. It doesn't matter if it's a pack of gum, a nail file, a polly pocket set, stickers. I always want it.

Piece of mind- Optimism!!! I will eventually get hired and my faraway friends come home soon:) I can't believe it's the last weekend of Into the Woods. I am a completely different person than I was at the beginning of this project. I am better and stronger...and happier:)

Have to finish weaving! A little hemp bracelet with pink woven through...oh and did I mention that I LOVE THIS TEA.

"You have to be someone."

Namaste:)

We Are Building A Religion

Reasons To Be Happy #29

1. Fluffy bath towels

2. Empty rooms

3. Burning CDs

4. Reading in a comfy chair

5. The original Rocky Horror

6. The number 3

7. Fitting into small spaces

8. Festive Cookies

9. Lady GaGa

10. Balsamic vinegar

11. Things that are mini

12. Glue sticks

OH MY! It's taking me a very long time to compose this blog entry due to the fact that I keep getting distracted by my GaGa Etsy search. So many handmade crafts of love that I just need to have! I love you Mother Monster. Right after I get my job I'm ordering a wallet, a necklace, and many many prints of you...oh and christmas cards, can't forget those:) Today was eventful! I woke up to Samara asking something about my phone to which I'm pretty sure I slurred something and threw my phone at her-then of course went back to sleep. When I actually woke up (about 3 hours later) I found out that Nick (douche ex boyfriend of her's) didn't pay the phone bill, and after she gave him money to do so. Worthless fuck. I hope you read this you embezzling, hick, manwhore. This isn't the first time he's taken money from her...hatred. Anyways, after that I headed home and printed off 10 more resumes and cover letters and filled out 4 applications online. Then I set off, again, into the world of the unemployed and desperately looking for work. That was once again-exhausting. Afterwards I felt a little nauseas so I headed to the Cooper Point Starbucks (I was following up on an application) and grabbed some coffee. I sunk in a big arm chair and read Little Women online for about an hour and a half before I decided it was time to go home and clean *sigh*. So I headed home and started cleaning-but alas I did not get very far before I started skyping Eddie and he FINALLY looked at my blog-and he loved it-duh. So now he's probably going to get one because he copies everything I do:) We talked for a long long time-until his computer died actually. Then I started promoting Little Women and Into the Woods via facebook and I noticed something wonderful pop up in my ministalkerfeed. GLORIOUS. There is a god. And so I danced all the way to my car (Full gas tank too!) and then immediately set out to purchase some celebratory cookies. Once at Freddies I purchased a mini mango sorbet and 2 packs of halloween sugar cookies. My favesies. I belted out Semi Precious Weapons the whole way there. HER HAIR IS ON FIRE!!! That's my favorite one to sing along with. Anyways:) After I got home, I called Andra to check up and it made me sad-so I told her to come over and enjoy a cookie. Then I talked to Liz about life for about an hour via (my faulty) phone while I devoured 14 cookies and 3 sushi rolls...what the fuck pregnant. Well after that I of course felt sick-so I threw up and felt much better. Then I went and worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes and came to where I am now-googling Lady GaGa fan-wear. Andra just got here too:) By the way, I have the nicest kitties.

Definition: Cinderella Pumpkins- Sunken in, fairytale looking pumpkins that just seem so magical. Like it will turn into a carriage and little mystical rodents will bring you a ball gown to wear while riding in it.

Piece of Mind- My friend Gabriella does the most obnoxious thing every time we go out to eat. She plays with her food. Kali especially get's upset and is always saying "Stop that!" and taking away the ketchup from her. Gab argues that it's pretty and colorful. We usually argue that the waitress is going to hate us, and we're regulars so we can't afford any discontentment from her.

But in a way Gab is right. No, I don't like it when people play with their food necessarily, but I spilled my coffee today while I was at Starbucks and I thought to myself "Wow, that kind of looks like a flower." There is art in every splatter, no matter how intentional. I think I'm going to make a journal called "Mistakes" and drop different liquids onto each page, from at least 5 feet up, just to remind myself that there is beauty in everything.

"Now today is tomorrow and tomorrow's today
And yesterday is weaving in and out
And the fluffy white lines that the airplane leaves behind
Are drifting right in front of the waning of the moon"

Good day:)

ALSO: Look at how cute those cake toppers are! And of course the GaGa merch:)

Throwing Caution Through The Wind

Reasons To Be Happy #28

1. Gilmore Girls

2. Compliments

3. Walking

4. The painted plate

5. Friendly people

6. Belting out The Strokes

7. Chai tea

8. Tetris

9. Getting mail

10. Candles

Right now I'm typing into text edit from Alayna's bed because the power went out and so did the wifi. This day has been beyond epic. I don't know where to even begin. Here goes:

I woke up at 1:00 PM exactly, and immediately went to shower out the 2 days worth of hairspray from my head. Then I printed off 10 resumes and cover letters and headed out on my job search. No more nice girl waiting for a call….I'm applying to the whole fucking world, I applied and rallied to mangers and filled out applications for hours (about 4) I got rid of all my resumes. SOMEONE HIRE ME! Tomorrow I plan on turning in 10 more. I did all of that on one cup of coffee-so naturally I was exhausted afterward! I headed to Forever21 to exchange my new shoes (they gave me two right feet) and it took them about an hour to find a left foot. But alas, they did! And now I can wear them! After all of that I was even more tired so I decided to stop in at Alayna's house for a nap. I woke up to the dogs (WHO AREN'T FIXED) about to get jiggy with it on top of my chest. Not the correct place to impregnate someone... So I freaked out. Shortly after, Samara and Sierra got home and rewoke me after that terribly traumatic experience. We talked for awhile and then Samara left, leaving Sierra and I the house. I wanted a glass of wine really bad but still had to run home and to check my bank account. So we set out to the ATM (and possibly Taco Bell...) and that was rather uneventful actually looking back at it. Although it felt like an adventure because we ended up stopping in at Safeway too. Once home we were both chatting online when suddenly the power flickered and went completely out. So it's like 11 PM, and Sierra is screaming bloody murder upstairs and I'm thinking there's an axing psycho and course I get up there and she says "I'm afraid of the dark." and then continues to cry. So I go to my car and get a flashlight, and I know that there are no candles in the house because when we carved pumpkins there weren't either. While I'm checking around the neighborhood to see if anyone else has power, Sierra is talking on her phone so much that it dies. So then she uses my phone to call her grandma at drunk-oclock. Then Sierra starts rambling about how the sun's not going to rise in the morning and how she can't not know what time it is and my phone is ringing and blowing up with texts. So I turn away from craycray for like 5 seconds and answer to find Andra a hot mess. Her and Greg broke up so I force Sierra into the car and we are on our way. I probably went like 85 on the freeway because I got there fast-and it wasn't pretty. He is such a douchebag-and it's only frustrating that we already knew that. But he's really gone for good this time-I think. We took down all of the pictures, got rid of all the clothes, and I put all of the presents in my car and will take them back tomorrow. We comforted for about an hour before Abby arrived and we all chatted and had some cookies in the giant bed. Sierra and I left soon after...back to the dark house. I need to put gas in my car. Anyhow now I have kitty sleeping next to me, and I'm exhausted again.

Definition- Taco Bell #8- Chalupas, best thing on the menu.

Piece of mind- Being alone is not something you ever want to force yourself to do. No one wants a Christmas by themselves-or a Valentines Day. But the fact is that it's necessary to grow up. You can't really be happy with someone else until you're happy with your independent self.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go."
- Dr. Seuss

:)

He'll Fight, He'll Fly, And Then He'll Die

Reasons To Be Happy #27

1. Halloweentown

2. Sweater vests

3. Clean hair

4. Meowing

5. Lipstick

6. Karma

7. Flowy dresses

8. Mountains

9. Staying in character

10. Peanut butter cookies

11. Little Women

12. Driving in the fall

One of my new favorite things is driving when the air is crisp and dry outside-and it's absolutely freezing, so you are so bundled up in your car (gloves and whatnot) with the heat blasting and the colored leaves falling all over your car and into the road. Today I left an hour early just to take a super scenic route. The trees look so beautiful. I was listening to Cake the whole time too so it just felt perfect. I woke up today-went and bought a latte, then was off to Hot Toddy to purchase a new keychain. Her name is Coral and she's a scuba diver. The woman at Hot Toddy let me in before they opened because she said she knew me well and liked me. There are so many kind people in the world! I always feel bad for my Stew's Brews weekend barista because he must think I'm absolutely bonkers. I always get there on my way to the theatre so A. I'm hardly awake. B. I never park at a reasonable distance away from the window. C. The Stokes is usually blasting and I'm always flustered with my wallet and D. I never have any makeup on and my hair is usually in a bun atop my head. He knows my drink though!

Today the show went well except for some tech issues-that went terribly terribly awry. For instance, my birds not only fell from the sky in the first scene-but so did the weight and they all broke from hitting the floor....as I was singing "Fly birds...back to the sky..." they were not flying, they were actually quite dead, on the floor of my house. But I am proud to say that I did not break character. How the fuck did I do that. Anyhow. The next bird scene they came down and didn't move....just kind of floated. And the last bird scene...which I was of course dreading, they didn't come out of the sky at all. COME ON. I mean seriously. How many times are you going to test my improv. Just get it right. Then the bridge was in the wrong place for like 4 scenes and the tree couldn't move so the witch was stuck in it during the last "Crunch" so Danny and I went and moved the bridge...which of course was awkward but she had to get out of that tree. Then I decided to paint the baby's nose red and draw fangs on it's face. Danny was not pleased when he found out-onstage of course. Then he got so distracted at one point (by the cabbage patch rudolph vampire baby that I had created) that he said "A Yam Maiden" instead of "Young Maiden." Lord have mercy....I absolutely lost it. Thank god we are supposed to look happy because I was actually dying of laughter. After the show I headed to Andra's and told her about my life. Apparently the little girls' cheer competition went horribly. They scored a 98 out of 100 and then were disqualified for having stunts that were "too dangerous." I feel bad for them! When I was in middle school that competition was really important to me. I would practice my jumps and kicks all year so I could win jumping queen and so our team could get first place. Wow. I didn't realize until just then that I am Rachel Barry. Yikes. Anyhow-you girls are the real winners so don't fret:) As soon as we got home I made like 10 pots of tea and had some french bread and balsamic vinegar as we watched Dexter. Everything on Showtime is so quality. I spent 2 hours filling out a job app while Halloweentown played (shout out to the Disney Channel) and then the server went down and my extensive job app didn't save. That was beyond frustrating. So I called Danny, talked to him for awhile and then watched this other freaky medical show with Andra. Now she's asleep and I have migrated upstairs. Hello couch. You are basically my bed. Anyways- I have a lot of places to go badger about hiring me tomorrow so I need to get some sleep!

Dream: Concentrate and focus on your goals.

Definition: Eggs- Good inside food, sometimes with other food...never ever alone.

Piece of mind: I'm happy:) I hope someone hires me!

"I've lost my marbles."

I will always love you Peter Pan.

More pictures of GaGa.

I need her,

Some Rise By Sin And Some By Virtue Fall

Reasons To Be Happy #26

1. Coffee creamer

2. Sparkles

3. Melons

4. Hummus

5. The Whip It soundtrack

6. Touch screens

7. Chocolate milk

8. Helping people

9. Picking up litter

10. Finding a quarter

11. Mechanical pencils

12. Picking off dried hot glue.

Right now I'm blogging from the kitchen as my brother and his friends beg me to take them to Burger King-which normally I'd be like "Of course!!" but they just had McDonalds so that hardly seems like a good idea. Today i woke up at 1:00 PM! I'm so lazy. Andra came over and we headed down the road to this quaint little farm with cheap pumpkins and gourds! I spent 3 dollars and bought 1 white pumpkin, 3 mini pumpkins, and 5 gourds. A definite steal:) I'm planning on going back for a cinderella pumpkin...I mean I have to right? They're this beautiful deep red color and I just really want one! After we got home and washed them off I sprayed the white one with gold glitter to make a cute little center piece for the table! I plan on dipping the mini's in colored glitter tomorrow-I'm seriously stoked. I want to be a hot Martha Stewart. After painting the pumpkins and having some delicious Wonderland Tea, I headed to the theatre and consumed like 10 peanut butter cookies and put a wig on the cabbage patch doll. I seriously contemplated bringing it onstage like that...but decided that Danny would probably be really pissed at me if his baby came back onstage wearing a victorian wig. So I didn't do it. But I took a picture with it. After the show I headed home, bought a baguette, and now here I am, typing, but I really really need to get to bed. My dad took my car keys-I don't know why exactly. It was very strange. He was mad at Josh and so he said he was using me as an "example" and took my keys. He also ripped my poor mermaid off of the keychain. I definitely cried about this. I love Shelly the mermaid. I don't know why he was being so mean. But I didn't even talk back-which is stranger right? I'm always such a know-it-all bitch in situations like that. I guess I was so dumbfounded at the fact that I hadn't done anything to provoke him and I still managed to be reprimanded...I hid his car keys in the litter box, but I'm taking them out. I'm older than that now. Even though I must say that was some quick spiteful thinking on my part. Hopefully he apologizes in the morning-doubtful...but maybe. That kind of ruined my night, but I'm still trying to be positive:)

I don't really have anything else to say tonight-except that I miss my best friend right now. Even if they don't know what to say having someone to talk to is so nice. I vow to always be the person that anyone can talk to in confidence. Everyone needs someone like that in their lives. Having someone to trust is important.

"Kites rise highest against the wind- not with it."

That quote just has to be true.

Thank You For The Pineapple

Reasons To Be Happy #25

1. Silly shaped gourds

2. Matching mugs

3. Air fresheners

4. Hook

5. New shoes

6. Dark chocolate

7. Harry Potter spells

8. New people

9. Earl Grey

Oh Goodness it's so late(slash..early?)! I must be off to bed soon. Right now I'm typing from my brother's amazing tempurpedic mattress with Bella kitten at my feet and I'm exhausted. Today I woke up to Mishelle and Emily arguing extensively about everything...I mean EVERYTHING. Andra finally got up and told them to stop talking-I was glad that I was in bed because the whole thing seemed super awkward times 10 to the maximum. Yikes. A few hours later I woke up and enjoyed some banana bread (I love love love banana bread!) and then headed to my house, where I showered and tidied up some things. After that I set off to meet Andra at World Market where I bought Danny and Matthew a little housewarming gift (Some matching little mugs and a holder) Then i bought myself a soda and some chocolate and the man at the counter made a joke about how I had a "healthy diet." I, of course, felt the need to make the situation more horrifically awkward for this poor cashier who was trying to be flirty and failing, so I said "You think I need to go on a diet?!" to which he said "Oh! NO!! I just thought...I mean I love chocolate...and this is my favorite soda...I get this stuff all of time. Maybe we should diet together sometime?"

Well played cashier man.

After that we headed to the mall where I bought an air freshener (clean linen) from Bath and Body, a t-shirt from Charlotte Russe, and a pair of shoes from F21. I'm in love with scent bugs-I want ALL OF THEM. They have seasonal ones now and you best believe that I will be purchasing all of them. As far as Charlotte Russe goes-they never have anyone to unlock the dressing rooms so I always get changed in the dressing room area but like not behind doors and people always look at me like I'm nuts...but guess who's waiting for a room while I get dressed with lightening speed...Forever 21 employees were so annoying today. They were like running about the store and no one was at the register. Rude.

Tonight the show went well! I think Dandan liked the mugs I bought them so that's good! The food table had Crispy Cremes on it tonight and I had one...It was so delicious and I'm sure that it now resides in a place called my thighs. After the show I headed over to Derrick's house. Kevin, Derrick and I watched Harry Potter and talked for about 3 hours and then Kevin led me to the freeway. They were both so friendly:) Kevin even tried to pick up some sushi on the way there because yesterday I told him it was my favorite food! Plus you can't go wrong with Harry Potter.

Now I'm home and I'm ready for sleep. I'm not uploading a picture I took because my camera is in the car and it's cold and rainy.

Definition: Harry Potter Spells- Perfect names for all future mix CDs.

Piece of mind: Don't worry. Be happy.

"Be exceptional. Make tremendous efforts to be extraordinary. What a privilege to be here on the planet to contribute your unique donation to humankind. Just make sure you do so... "

Goodnight!

Just say Hello. They May Ignore You Or Marry You But It's Worth One Word.

Reasons To Be Happy #24

1. Stripes

2. Plastic rings in cupcakes

3. Togas

4. Carousels

5. Redvines

6. Lemon poppyseed muffins

7. Straws

8. Dressing up animals for halloween

9. Laughter

10. Thrifting

Today was epic! Although I did not expect it to be when I woke up...It was one of those mornings where you think "I'm just going to lay here for awhile..." and then you don't ever get up. I actually had to get up at like 7 to move my car...but that was actually really scary because when I'm tired I definitely drive like a drunk-so tonight I parked somewhere where I wouldn't be in the way. Anyways, I called Danny to tell him I didn't want to go anywhere and he demanded that I get out of bed-so I did and headed to his apartment. And their little apartment is so cute! I'm totally getting them a housewarming gift-maybe something to do with cheeseburgers, since all both of them do is consume Mcdonalds! We went today and neither of them even looked the menu...I don't know how they stay so thin. Anyways we hung out there for awhile and then decided that we were going to go thrifting at Value Village (which was conveniently down the road). We probably spent about 2 hours in there-the highlights of our trip include A. We found a cabbage patch doll head in a bag, for 5 dollars...how creepy is that?!! Like why was the head collected, who bagged it...and who in their right mind would ever buy a cabbage patch doll-let alone a cabbage patch doll head. I totally almost bought it...B. I found a Sailor Moon mug and almost cried. 2 dollars that I will not regret spending-why would you ever get rid of something so precious? My theory is that the person who owned it must have died and had no living relatives to will it to. Now it's mine. I can't wait to use it. C. Danny is going as a Golden Girl for Halloween and he found the most fantastical, hysterical outfit ever. Matt actually opened the dressing room door and then just immediately shut it because he was so shocked and was laughing so hard. We were like on the floor of the dressing room cracking up. With the polka-dotted dress and gold clip-on earrings...absolute perfection. D. I found Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone and you know I had to sit on the floor and read all of chapter one. E. I found a 4 dollar over-sized sweater and I bought it. F. The cashier told me that he was still drunk from the night before. G. I LOST MY CAR KEYS IN THE STORE. and looked for them for about 30 minutes. So terrifying and embarrassing. and the whole time Danny and Matt were making jokes that they were in my hair...Matt and Danny argue like an old married couple and I'm obsessed with it. There are about 1 million reasons they should be on The Amazing Race.

After that I was so incredibly late for the BEAKA gathering that I sped all the way there and even did some of my makeup while driving-which is terrible! I won't do it again though-I don't want to die. Anyhow the party was lovely, even though i only got stay for about 20 minutes. We had cider and banana bread and vodka pasta-delicious. It was really great to see everyone too. I wish I had had more time! Then I went to the show and literally procrastinated so much that I had 15 minutes to do my hair, makeup, get into costume, and pee. Talk about stressful. I hope I don't do that ever again. After the show-which went quite well, but felt really long- Matt and I headed to Sizzizis for a cup of coffee. He ate up that atmosphere! I ran into Jake Lander there, it was kind of awkward but nice to see a familiar face nonetheless:) Then Matt walked me to my car (I'm in love with him) and thank god he did because there were two suspicious looking guys talking about "bitches this" and "bitches that." and I was extremely uncomfortable. Then I blasted The Strokes, only my favorite band ever, all the way to Andra's. Once I got there I ate banana bread, and we skyped Isaac because it's his birthday! Isaac is definitely like the Matthew McConaughey of our friends. He's always shirtless. Always. So of course skyping him meant seeing his silly little pecs-what a tardmo. We made fun of him and then we sang to him. Definitely made his birthday more memorable. He complained to us about how his girlfriend was a hardcore republican and he didn't know what to do...that's definitely a toughy. His last girlfriend was a psycho bitch and I might even prefer her over a homophobic maneater. Anyhow, talking to Isaac was nice! Derrick texted me and asked me if I wanted to come over but I said no-I think I'm seeing him and Kevin tomorrow though. Funzies. Speaking of "ies"...new Very Mary Kate episode today. There is nothing like watching some MK. It always always always without fail makes my day. I didn't talk to Eddie today-which sucks. I'll call him tomorrow though:) Now I'm sitting at the kitchen table typing. I'm totes ready to wash off all of this stage makeup and call it a night. I think Samara is coming over tomorrow!

Dream: This symbolizes self-discovery. You are trying to evaluate a situation. You are breaking an old image of yourself.

Definition: Fresh faced- to not wear makeup during the day because you have something more important going on later and your skin will disown you if you add coverup to it any earlier than needed. Long sentence...

Piece of Mind: Today I decided during the Bakers Wife's song that I was going to lie down and look at the ceiling backstage. I never noticed how different it looked from that angle. The hanging nets seemed like they were floating and larger, the roof seemed higher and leakier..and it made me smile. Because isn't that just like life? Sometimes you need to see other perspectives-let me rephrase that-ALWAYS you need to consider other perspectives, whether it's looking at the theatre ceiling from the Alexander rest position on the floor, or seeing another side of a situation...or anything. There are so many ways to see it all.

"The way I see it

Isn't necessarily

The way you see it

Or the way it ought be be

What's more important

is that we're all

Looking for it

and a way to see it."

One of my all time favorites. I won't ever forget the day that starbucks cup came into my life.

:)

Goodnight Blog!

Like To Throw Up In A Gucci Bag

Reasons To Be Happy #23

1. Sleeping in

2. Holding hands

3. White wine

4. Willow trees

5. Phad thai

6. Mother Monster

7. Micro-fiber blankets

8. Chances

9. Pomegranate

Oh hello to my blog! Today was fabulous but rather uneventful. I woke up in Alayna's bed after a late night talk with Dandan. And as soon as I woke up I realized that there was a doxen and a pomeranian sleeping beside me, which was actually really cute because usually they don't get along but it was like they had compromised in order to snuggle with me. I'm breaking out really bad and it's making me super self conscience. Gross. I went home and made myself some toddy after eating a bit of smoked salmon. Then I headed back to Alayna's to pick up Sierra and go to the show. I feel bad because Samara tried to wake me up like 54 times today and I didn't get out of bed till at least two. I also had some more of the bomb pie Alex's grandma made. Blackberry pie is so good. Every time someone buys pie I like tear up I get so excited. I was kind of in a bad mood till we got to the theatre-well not really bad, but quiet. Matt and I made plans to go to shopping and I'm already pretty stoked to carve more pumpkins soon with him and Dandan. Danny and I might go to La Tarasca tomorrow too. But that's pretty much the extent of my plans. I can't wait to get my paycheck-my gas tank is seriously suffering right now-and so is my self esteem. Girlfriend needs a new pair of shoes. For real. As far as the show, it went well! I don't really remember doing it. I got a good review in The Volcano (even though the show got a bad review) but it really doesn't matter because The Volcano reviewer is an idiot so his opinion is completely invalid. He did say that I resembled Amy Adams though, which is really funny because that's my doppelganger for sure:) Also tonight my dress rubbed against my leg in a weird way during the show and I totally had this moment where I thought "Am I peeing my pants?!!!!" I actually thought that I might've been. Thank god I didn't. After the show, Matt and I walked to my car and talked for like 2 hours about everything. It made me feel so much better. Then I got to Andra's and had some delicious phad thai and everything was great until trashymchoslut showed up in my facebook feed talking about her wonderful boyfriend.

NO MORE.

I deleted her. For myself. I don't care if people think it's dramatic, there's no way I'm putting myself through that torture, and if that's selfish so be it. The most important person in my life right now is me and all of the extra bullshit needs to go.

I already feel a million times better:)

Definition: Theatre-The ultimate outlet. Express your emotions, or forget them. Grow.

Piece of Mind: I'm so much better than that and this is my chance to show everyone. And also: I LOVE YOU GAGA. You are my inspiration.

"Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor"

See you tomorrow.

I May Be Small But I've Got Giant Plans

Reasons To Be Happy #22

1. Local business

2. Pop belt

3. A clean car

4. Wool socks

5. The fireplace

6. New beginnings

7. Lampshades

It's like 1:26 PM and I just woke up. Yesterday I woke up at like 9, went and got coffee, and then cleaned FOREVER. I cleaned my car, I cleaned the front room, did the dishes, vacuumed the upstairs...then I met up with Kalea for her last day here and got coffee...again. My day was fairly uneventful after that. Going to starbucks earlier was really fun for me though because I actually got to say.."The usual." So much happiness! Then they asked me if I had a long night and when I replied yes, he made my drink a tall-for free. Then I drove to the park singing "Five For All Forever" the whole way and had some me time. The owner of the dog I found asked me on a date again and it was very sweet but I had to say no. After that I had a mini meltdown in my car-but Alayna came and saved me. I talked to Danny for like 2 hours, had some really awesome pie made by Alex's grandma and headed off to bed. Now I have two dogs on my lap:)

Dream: This signifies your ability to cope with your emotions. You are anxious about the truth you have discovered. You are contemplating changing aspects of your character. You are more aware of your surroundings. You have raw energy and intense passion. You are ready for change.

Wow. That was the most I remembered in a long time.

Definition: Spare change- necessary for parking and early morning coffee runs.

Piece of mind: Don't pity me. The damage is done and I have made the decision to move on. I'm fine. Besides, your pity does no one any good but yourself. You want to feel like a "good person," well it's a little late for that don't you think? Yes. I want you to be happy, but if I know you at all-which maybe I don't anymore-then I know that this won't make you happy. Don't pity me because "I'm so sad and have so much passion for someone who doesn't want them." I'll pity you because you have no passion at all. Go ahead, date her, fuck her-whatever it is you do now. But don't feel sorry for me-because I can rise above this. I can rise above high school, heartbreak, over hell an high waters. And I thought you could too. I guess I was wrong. I'm not angry at all.

But I'm so disappointed in the person I thought you were.

"I will blaze until I find my time and place. I will be fearless, surrendering modesty and grace. I will not disappear without a trace. I'll shout and start a riot, be anything but quiet. Christopher Columbus! I'll be astonishing at last."

Bring it.

I'm Madly In Love With You And It Isn't Because Of Your Brains Or Personality

Reasons To Be Happy #21

1. Making other people happy

2. Disney Movies

3. Ballpoint pens

4. Morning dew

5. Compliments

6. Epic bruises

7. Infomercials

8. Sitting by the fire in your underwear

Okay...the last one was a little strange I'll admit-but it's so true! Every time fall/winter comes around I always find myself reading by the fire in my skivvies...and in this case, blogging. If Andra wakes up she's going to be so confused as to why I am not wearing clothes-actually probably not. I'm always naked. Anyways-let's get down to business. Today was such a great experience. Last night I was an absolute mess. It took everything in me to think of reasons to be happy in general, and even more to think of reasons to be happy with myself. Earlier this week, I had a low moment where I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "I don't like you still." How perfectly awful. Since that moment I've realized that becoming the person I want to be will not happen over night and that everyday I get closer to my ideal destination. I guess all I really want is to be a better person, to be the best that I can be.

Today I had so many supportive friends call me, they filled me with such love:) I really needed it too, because honestly I didn't get much sleep. They all told me comforting words and I was just so thankful. A lot of them were angry too though-and I told them not be. I'm not angry. I don't have any room to harbor resentment, and besides I really have no reason to be bitter. He's such a quality person, and he still means a lot to me. I'm glad he's found some happiness, even if I don't understand it.

I woke up to Nana licking my hand at like 8:00 AM after going to sleep around 4. I rolled (literally) out of bed, and hopped in the shower. Then I got some coffee-surprise, and Nana and I set off on our adventure to the vet's office. She adores riding in the car-and Lady GaGa (driving sing-a-long). I really wanted to see if she had a chip and the shelter was closed so I stopped by but to no avail:( No chip for Nana. It was absolute hell trying to get her into the building. I was dragged for a little while but finally managed to get her inside with a treat. I'm not used to dogs. After that incident, I stopped by Alayna's to check in with Samara and Sierra. Everyone was a little worried after seeing the infamous facebook post. It's so silly how big of a deal facebook is, it really shouldn't be. But nevertheless I stopped by and they asked all about my plans-no one really wanted me to be alone. They really are great friends. I drove the dog home (to my home I mean) and then quickly got back in the car after seeing that the new girlfriend had been so kind as to tag me in a picture. Please. Call attention to yourself. As if I didn't feel small enough without you being a bitch to me.

I don't care if I go off to college and have freedom, I don't care if all of the laws disintegrate. I will always keep it classy. I will never ever be deliberately mean to someone who's already down. It's absolute evil. So i got into the car and just drove away.

Soon after, I arrived at a gas station and like I said before, I HATE PUMPING GAS, so I may have pretended that I didn't know how to do it and this guy may have came to my car and done it for me...what a kind soul! Then I got a call from Carolyn asking if I was okay. We made plans to get dinner with Danny. I went downtown and met Rachel, who was in town for the day. I felt so bad! The last time Rachel saw me I was an absolute wreck! And granted, i was nothing compared to that-but she had definitely talked me up to her roommates and I was not that great (not that i am normally?) so I'm planning on going and staying with them soon. I found out that Rachel was the one who mass texted everyone the news of yesterday. I feel so exposed from all of this. After getting some coffee, I met Carolyn for our date and it was just lovely. Danny came a little late but it was good to see them. We probably talked about nothing in the restaurant for about 2 hours, and I had the most divine spring rolls you could ever ask for. My tea right now is pretty delicious too:) Then as Carolyn and I were walking down the street we noticed a flyer on a pole...and then on EVERY pole. "lost dog."

NANA!!!!

I immediately called and the man was so happy, he told me that he'd meet me anywhere and that he just couldn't wait to see his dog. We met at Tops after dinner and he started crying when he saw her- it was so cute. I definitely teared up, and the dog (Bora is her real name) was so so happy to see her owner! He then asked me if he could possibly take me to dinner, which was sweet, but I declined. Andra and I headed to my house-exhausted but definitely happy:) Now I'm drinking tea and watching infomercials. Oh how I love infomercials...there are so many things that I never knew that I needed! It makes me so grateful that they hire these people to tell me why I need things. I am obsessed with the bedazzler and with the bake and fill. On the list of things I need in my life-there's number one and number two-closely followed by the shamwow.

Alright well it's late and I STILL need to hi-light my Little Women script.

Definition: Personalized tumblers- Ideal for any day, any time. Hot beverages especially. Just so cute:) Perfect christmas gifts.

Piece of Mind: Oh what can I say that I haven't already? My whole post was basically a piece of mind. I guess what I can say is that it will get better, I'm not bitter, and that I appreciate everyone who checked up on me. And that despite yesterday-I really did have a good day today:)

"Everybody just pretend to be normal."

I'm going to seriously kick ass.

I'm Not Afraid Of Anything

Reasons To Be Happy #20

1. Saving animals

2. Vanilla tea

3. Not breaking character

4. Andra's grandpa

Yesterday I didn't blog because I was vomiting and it was too much to also type at the computer while throw-up was coming out of my mouth. Yesterday in a nutshell- Visited Liz, went to the show. I can't think straight right now. Today went well, until the end.

Today I woke up and headed out to get coffee, I drove really far away from the window as always, and embarrassed myself as I tried desperately to act as if I had purposefully parked far away...Didn't really work out the way I planned. But in the end I got my coffee and a muffin. I went to the show and it was good to see everyone. I was super slow at getting ready today though. I was defs doing my hair up until places were called. As far as the show goes, it was memorable for me because while I was talking to the tangled birds, one of them fell-giving off the impression that it died. The audience was laughing so hard-and it took everything in me not to crack. I even picked up the silly thing off of the ground and pretended to talk to it after exclaiming "Oh no!" Oh my god. How did I not pee myself?! Anyways I showed up at Andra's and surprised her after the matinee and then we went to dinner with her family. I am obsessed with her grandpa. He's from Texas and he is hysterical. He was talking about his favorite pot to smoke and he ordered sooo much alcohol when we went out. He isn't racist in the least, but he uses terms that I would never, and I have to admit when he says them it's really funny. Nothing as harsh as the N word...but some things, I was thinking, "I'm not so sure that's PC." Anyway we headed to The Spar and I ran into Dandan there! Andra and I split the french dip as we listened to her little sister rave about how emo she was...for real. She said she wanted to name something "torture", that she listened to this new rock band about chains and valentines, and that she really liked the smell of pot....why is middle school always such a crazy cry for help?! Then we all gaped at her when she asked for a sip of wine-of course I then burst out laughing. She is the definition of cray-cray, but I love her. She also told me this story about how she joined the football team and told one of the boys to "watch the boobs" after she was tackled. Quality.

Then as I was walking out of the restaurant, a group of people sitting in the cold asked me if I was missing a dog. They then showed me this poor fluffy pup tied with a belt to a bike bar. I said no and asked about tags-blah blah protocol. And they said they couldn't take her, so I said "It isn't a problem. I'll go get my car and I'll take her home."

So I did.

I named her Nana, after the beloved dog from Peter Pan, she's sleeping right now, cozy in the house. My parents were hardly pleased when I brought her inside but it's too cold for her to be wandering the streets of downtown Olympia at night. Tomorrow I'm going to take her to see if she has a chip. I don't want her family to worry.

Now, originally this post probably would have been long, fluffy, and happy what with seeing Liz on saturday, the birds falling but managing to stay in character, and saving a poor pup-but it isn't, because after I took the dog out for a little midnight stroll I came inside to see Andra staring at the computer screen, speechless. I asked her what was wrong. She just stared at me, So i asked again and she said nothing. I went and looked at the screen-only to find that my ex had not wasted any time in getting back with his ex girlfriend.

I won't lie on here, because there's no need-no one reads it except Haleigh and myself, maybe Daph now-but anyhow, I was devastated. I truly thought that there was no way for him to break my heart anymore than he had already-but he could, and he did. What a terrible terrible feeling. I can't write anymore about this right now because honestly I just don't know what to say. This is what I get for not appreciating him while we were together, but it still hurt my feelings, a lot. It's so soon, and with the one girl he swore up and down was trash. I called Danny and could barely get out what I was trying to say and then Samara just called me and we both sat at the phone crying for about an hour. I feel stupid for not realizing why everyone was asking if I was okay today. I can't remember the last time I've seen Andra pissed like that. Usually she's so neutral. I really want to be excited that she's on my side of something-but honestly I just can't be. My heart is lead and my stomach's stone.

Growing up is really hard sometimes. But despite all of this sadness I still have many reasons to be happy and thankful. Starting with the fluffy puppy sleeping next to me. And besides, I genuinely want him to be happy, even if that's not what he wants for me anymore.

Sometimes people leave you halfway through the wood. Others may deceive you. You decide what's good. You decide alone.

Those lyrics will not be easy to sing again.

"A new world, shattering the silence. There's a new world I'm afraid to see. A new world, louder every moment. Come to me."

I'm going to try and sleep:)

Love.

The Piano's This Melancholy Soundtrack To Her Smile

Reasons To Be Happy #19

1. La Vie en Rose soundtrack

2. Environmentally friendly cars

3. Liberal bumper stickers

4. Mickey mouse stuffed animals

5. Lemons

6. Catching up with friends

7. Reading

8. Birthdays

9. Naming inanimate objects

10. When kitties drink out of the sink

Yesterday I was in a serious funk! Today I was not though, so things went a lot better:) I stayed up till 5 AM playing "bubble shooter" last night-which was a dumb game I found on google that for some reason I just kept playing and playing till I was almost positive my eyes were going to roll out of my sockets if I didn't stop shooting bubbles and go to bed. I woke up at 8:30 to Jade and Alayna getting ready in the room I was sleeping in-I'm fairly pleasant in the morning so it wasn't a big deal. I just went back to bed. Then I woke up around noon to Samara saying-something. I don't remember. But we tidied up the house and then went off to fill my gas tank and stop at target. I made Samara fill my tank because I hate gas stations, and for many legitimate reasons starting with A. They smell like gasoline. B. The gas thingy is heavy. C. There are too many buttons D. I can't get the gas cap off of the car...ever. E. Gas stations are hard to navigate! There are always confused pedestrians and little room for error when it comes to moving your vehicle...in short-I HATE GETTING GAS. I should probably live in Oregon or New Jersey where they pump it for you. Anyways after that encounter, we went to target where I made a joke about trying on a little girl's training bra and it fitting-little did I know that it would in fact fit-and the size small too. So of course I bought two of them- why not? They are so cheap and comfortable! And then I ended up buying some Cinderella princess socks. It probably looked like I was shopping for a 7 year old when in fact it was all for myself.

After trekking through Target (get at me alliteration) I dropped off Samara and headed home to shower. Of course I got coffee. And I even ate half a sandwich, but my stomach was extremely unhappy with that decision and I definitely threw up twice before my shower. Then I skyped Eddie, Shannon, and Ryan for awhile which was refreshing. THEN I remembered that my beloved Prince Charming's birthday was today (AKA my gay boyfriend)! So I rushed out to buy him some funzie birthday things. First I stopped by the Tea Lady and bought him a blooming tea flower in the shape of a heart, oh it was so cute. Then-because I love him so much- I went to Borders and bought him a stupid little Twilight bookmark that was probably about 7 dollars. It said "Team Edward." I was so embarrassed while I was buying it-I even explained to the cashier that I would never buy anything Twilight for myself. That's how obsessed with Matt I am...obsessed enough to wait in line and shamefully purchase Twilight merch...gross. Anyways I made a ghetto little card telling him how much I adore his company and it was perfect. He said his birthday wish was to hear from his love...that made me sad:( I don't want his birthday to be ruined if some jackass doesn't call, of course that's how it always ends up right? Well, I hope the jackass called and I hope his birthday was fabulous. He deserves it.

The show tonight went relatively well-I choked on my spit at one point, but that's about as interesting at it gets. Oh and I ripped the ballgown and skinned my knees hardcore-but that will be fixed tomorrow so it's no big:) Cinderella is a trooper when it comes to bruises! On another note I haven't worn my retainer in two months, I'm scared to even try.

Today I was cast in Little Women as Amy! I'm so ecstatic to be in the show! Carolyn is Meg too so I'm STOKED because I am in love with her and want her to be in every show that I'm ever cast in. I have my highlighter at the ready but I don't know if I'll actually get to it tonight considering blogging is taking up all of my time (only joking, It's dark in here and I don't feel like getting up to turn on the light). No matter, I picked up the libretto today and I'm really glad to be in a christmas show. It will make the holidays go by faster for sure. I also skyped with my love Haleigh Platter today, which was long overdue. I was so happy to hear that she met someone!!! Who doesn't suck! FINALLY. I need to meet him in person of course before I can actually approve-but so far he loves Frank Sinatra, Harry Potter, and doesn't gay-bash, so things are definitely looking good for him:) As for Jacob, if I ever see you in public, I swear I will punch you in the dick. No qualms. Oh and I heard it's small by the way-you fucking asshole. Right after that I talked to Daphne for about an hour. It's like noon in France right now! She said she missed halloween candy and I told her that I miss french sweet bread, oh the little things that we don't even think about! I will think of you every time I eat a kitkat now Daph, and I will appreciate my candy:) OY VEY-It's really late. I need to call it a night.

Definition-Bumperstickers- essential to show your political party, not essential to show what a hick you are though...or how ghetto-bootilicious you are either...

Piece of Mind- I'm just really thankful today:) But I definitely will be even more thankful after the Macy's one day sale tomorrow! BOOYAH.

No but seriously. I am thankful:) I owe so much to all of these spectacular people in my life.

“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.”-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

I Gave Up Food Cause The Shit's Expensive

Reasons To Be Happy #18

1. Nudity

2. Apologies

3. Strawberries and whipped cream

4. Mountain dew

5. Real friends

6. Perfume

7. Sewing

8. Foreign languages

9. H&M

Oh my! Today feels like it started so long ago-I can barely remember it. Let's see-I woke up, took a shower, which was TRAUMATIC. Considering the fact that there was a vengeful spider lurking in the corner that I, of course, didn't notice until I was completely nude and soaked. So then of course I had to fight the spider by throwing random objects at it until it fell and could drown and...well you get the point. It was so unnecessarily terrifying. His name was Diablo. Thank god he's no longer with us. Anyway after that horrifying experience I was in dire need of a coffee, so I went an checked in at some of the local coffee stands to see if they were hiring/I did some follow ups and then bought a royal mocha at my favorite stand and let me tell you I downed that shit fast. I can't go a morning without coffee anymore-I'm going to turn into one fatty that's for sure. Anyhow-I went home and skyped with Eddie for awhile. Then I did some follow up reading on that guy Phil's facebook to see that my message had changed his mind and he had issued an apology. I made a gay-basher apologize publicly. Mission accomplished...almost. Well it's a start at least. I snuggled with my kitten for like 2 hours and then left for CP. Of course I was there early, so I decided to make another coffee run to my favorite baristas, but before I got there I noticed the people with disgusting dead fetus signs...being egged. I was so embarrassed.

I stopped the car and told them that throwing dead chicken fetuses at them didn't help our point at all. I don't care who you are. You don't throw eggs at old men. And of course they are completely wrong to do that to Planned Parenthood-to just sit with signs depicting dead babies, I mean it's seriously unclassy, but fighting them by throwing eggs at them was just as uncool. This is what I told the people: "I don't agree with what you stand for, but I don't agree with how they reacted either. I'd like to say that I'm sorry on their behalf."

And then I left and bought a bumper sticker that says "Straight not narrow."

The show is kind of a blur to me right now. I did fairly well! and I was pleased because my dad decided to go, and he actually enjoyed it! I did become very annoyed at two points in the show though-1. when the sound guy didn't turn my mic off when it was freaking the fuck out during my song...i was just thinking..please, seriously. I will sing louder-just turn the fucking piece of shit off. 2. When the sound guy accidentally pushed the giant sound cue instead of my birds-so I just waited there..like an idiot, for my birds to come onstage-which they didn't for what felt like forever. After the show Dandan walked me to my car since I decided to park in the middle of Let's Get Raped Land. Then I drove to Alayna's-I got kind of really lost at one point though, luckily I know my way around here pretty well now so I got back on track fairly quickly. After I got here, I had a total nervous breakdown about...well, nothing. I just really needed to cry I think. So I got back in the car and drove to Tops, crying all the way. Once there I bought a sandwich. It was very satisfying. Then I came back and Alayna, Jade, Sierra, and I all compared stomaches while brushing our teeth.

Dream: I had a dream...but I forgot write it down after I woke up-so it's forgotten now.

Definition: Bandeau- A boob scrunchie. Worn as a bra when you have no/little boobs. Strip of fabric covering your tits.

Piece of mind: Oh my, oh my. I definitely had one of those moments today. Sometimes when you're helping other people-you forget to help yourself. I think that's why I needed to cry. I spend so much of my time now talking to others about their feelings and issues that I don't really have time to think about my own-and I usually LOVE the distraction. But on my couple days off it definitely caught up with me:) I'm so grateful for everything...and everyone. My life is so full and it's only becoming fuller. I'm glad that I did some self-reflecting today-it's wasn't easy, but it's the same as I said yesterday-No one is alone.

I need to learn to practice what I preach:)

EXHAUSTED.

Bahh My blog is a giant cheeseball of mushy words from an overdramatic teenager.

I sincerely hope no one actually reads it, haha.

"Witches can be right. Giants can be good. You decide what's right. You decide what's good."

I'm glad that you retracted your hateful statement Phil.

Fuck the hate.