I'M BACK MOTHERFUCKERS

Hello all! I have returned after a long absence to let you know about my life and also because like every other white person, I feel that my life is important and that for some reason others will want to read about it. This is probably completely false, but I'm feeling self-indulgent right now. So here goes, for me, and for Gabs, Kali, Liz, Haleigh and that random guy who likes to criticize me. I want to know what you do with your life by the way, read 19 year olds blogs (which are rather lengthy I might add) and talk to yourself about how stupid they are? Do you go jack off after that? Maybe play WOW? I can't imagine how you've been holding up without my postings. Hopefully you've found another useless hobby like twitter or something..but I digress-

My life. Now.

Reasons To Be Happy

1. Cinnabon scented candles

2. Feather pens

3. Catching up with old friends

4. And making new ones

So where do I begin? My last post was around last New Years...so we'll do a quick recap. I manage a shoe store for about 36 hours out of the week, I'm in training right now at a coffee stand so I can work even more and I still do shows. Right now I'm in a production of Peter Pan in Tacoma. I live by myself in a studio apartment downtown. It's actually a renovated old hotel and it's as charming as they come. The whole building always smells like pot, but I don't mind-I love the tenants and I love my landlord. Where a normal human being would place a TV I put racks of clothing and shelves of shoes...because I'm psychotic and find looking at those things entertaining. I go back to school next quarter because they fucked up my scholarship and it makes me really angry...so I don't ever talk about it. I will only be in Olympia until my lease is up in June. Then I move away-still don't know where yet. Anywhere but here. I had surgery on my nose because I couldn't breathe out of one side. My mom finally went back to rehab...but it didn't do much. I directed a kids show with 20 7 year olds. I can say the words "the usual" in at least 4 different restaurants and they will know what to bring me. I still believe that every person around me is worth getting to know. I've been meeting what seems to be a million new and interesting people and it's fantastic. I weirdly made-out with an old friend earlier this year and I usually just pretend it didn't happen because it's awkward. I've dated one guy since Isaiah, it was all too recent and it was an awful experience that I wish I hadn't had. I'm jaded as hell and I don't plan on dating till I'm at least 50.

Word of dating advice: Always google him. It's sounds retarded and I've never been the girl who snoops around but thank god my friend is that kind or else I never would've known about a certain someone's twitter account. How do you live with the fact that you "tweet" shit? That's too gay for me to say and I'm a girl. I'm pretty sure that you don't have any balls...actually I'm completely sure considering the fact that you broke everything off in a text message. More details on this clusterfuck of a relationship later. In the meantime I'll talk about today. Today Andra and I went to the pumpkin patch, I went to work dressed as an eggplant, and then I went to a party dressed as a lion with a giant headdress. All in all a pretty rad day. I enjoyed it.

Never been happier:)

And I'm not even being sarcastic...it's a good thing I dodged that crazy bullet early. And it's a good thing that I'm back to bloggin'.

I'm back motherfuckers...and that is a reason to be happy if I've ever heard one.

We Make The Hipsters Fall In Love

Reasons To Be Happy #41

1. Bad Lifetime movie acting

2. Making lists

3. Gay marriage

4. The city

5. Kittens

6. Smiling

7. Donuts

8. Microfiber blankets

9. Reminiscing

10. Drunk pop stars

Right now I am watching a lovely little Lifetime Movie (check out that alliteration) that I think is called Contained. So far it seems to be a little gem all about a woman who has been fired from her architecture job for being "super stressed out" and relocated to the suburbs, where she meets her crazy next door neighbors who kidnap people and keep them in their basement..The acting of course is remarkably terrible as is the story itself. This woman literally bre

aks into the creepy neighbors house about 10 times...she is just searching for shenanigans! Anyhow! Work has calmed down A LOT lately, so my hours are beginning to suck again. I'm looking for another job, preferably one that will bring in some tips. I've been working on the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (when I'm not petting kittens, reading, and watching the food network of course) and it has been wonderful! But difficult...much of the show is done interacting with audience volunteers..like manhandling them into dancing and whatnot and it's HARD! I was not offbook today-and I was supposed to be. I really don't have an excuse except the fact that I can't spell so I needed to read the spellings...yikes. We are doing this whole marketing thing where Chuck releases 3 teaser videos from rehearsal a week...and he filmed today. I look so confused and stupid in every shot I'm sure...that's going to be royally embarrassing when it goes viral. Cupcake Wars is now on and it is so amazing. Avocado frosting? I wish that I could be that creative. Speaking of food! I decided that I was going to try and change my diet in order to get rid of my eczema ( just because all I do is drink coffee and redbull all day and I doubt that's nutritious) So I did some research and I am not supposed to eating any dairy at all, or processed soy products, no yeast products, no meat (save for fish, fatty acids)...this is going to be difficult...I mean just to partially cut out any of those things is going to be a big big challenge. I LOVE bread. My diet is basically supposed to follow the same guidelines as the products I put on my skin do: Minimal ingredients, nothing processed...I'm not even going to try and start until after I go grocery shopping though. That would not be

possible. I'm also supposed to eat a lot of veggies everyday and I hateeeeeeee vegetables. Oh and no coffee...but we all know that's not happening. Not even an option. I will cut out all food before I will cut out my starbucks. And that folks is reason number 8753453 that I will never reproduce:) So...new subject..haha:) I was listening to that Michael Buble song, Just Haven't Met You Yet, and I just became so happy! I wasted so much time thinking about the past...my breakup was the best thing that ever happened to me. If it weren't for my breakup I would not be the person I am today. Now when I think about the past I realize that if I wanted so badly to be with the wrong person, imagine how wonderful it's going to be when I meet the right one. Today Andra and I drove to Seatac and dropped off her mom...then we got Krispy Kremes. I'm a fatass. I think Eddie and I are going to head to Bellingham (or "Bham" as all of the hip kids call it...) on wednesday to see our Emily and Tia. Troy talked to me about being in Fame later this year...busy busy year for theatre! I'm stoked. Seriously there are times that I contemplate becoming a stripper to pay for college. I would literally do anything to go to school...which is why I'm looking for a third job. Alright, time for another lifetime movie and some line-drilling. Also som

e split-drilling...I'm so close!!!! The night before Rachel, Andra, and I watched The Pregnancy Pact...which was by far the best overacting I've ever seen...full of creepy girls telling their boyfriends "We are going to be so happy. We are in love. We're having a baby." Hopefully I can find a movie equally as epic now...highly doubtful. Anyhow love love love! I'm going to start blogging regularly again.

Oh PS...I can't get enough Ke$ha...she's exactly how I like my pop stars...drunk. And GaGa is coming out with a new album soon. Born this way baby! She of course is an icon. Church nails for Mama Monster!

Haven't been dreaming as much lately...but we'll get back to interpreting soon I'm sure:)

Oh and I forgot to mention my New Years! So really super fast I'll say that it kicked ass! Eddie and I went to Seattle last minute and watched the Space Needle fireworks...we also saw 24 people get pulled over, a drug bust, and a group of guys just passing around a joint directly in front of us...oh and a very very drunk woman bumping Rihanna and touching herself...pretty sure she was arrested shortly after, if she didn't pass out first. It took over an hour to get back to the freeway but it was totally worth it. Rocked my sequin dress and ripped fishnets with redbull in hand...can' get much better than that:)

"If you don't have any shadows you're not in the light"

Night Bloggy:)

We've Got Our Love To Pay The Bills

Reasons To Be Happy #40

1. Clear sky

2. Chapstick

3. Faux fur

4. Movies that make you think

5. Bows

6. Laughing

7. Being okay

Once again....I didn't blog for about a century, and absolutely no one noticed! :) The month of December was memorable. Little Women closing night was wonderful, although we all cried during the show, especially Christie...and I had to go straight to work after strike. I've been working non-stop this whole week! I feel like a true shoe-connoisseur. Christmas didn't really feel like a holiday this year, mostly because I was house-sitting in Rochester alone-which I really enjoyed. I really like being alone, it's peaceful. I think that's mainly what I miss about Isaiah, he was the one person that I could always stand being around instead of being alone. I don't have someone like that anymore-which is disappointing but also, kind of relieving. Speaking of Isaiah, I got coffee with him and talked to him on the phone or about 3 hours..most people would say that this was indeed a terrible terrible idea. But he isn't someone that I can stay mad at, and even if he's caused me a lot of grief these past few months, I owed him some apologies. And if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be changed now-and I really like the new me! Anyhow, it was good to see him. Haleigh visited me at work the other day and it was AMAZING to see her! I can't wait for us to hangout! But back to Christmas-I got so distracted- My parents got me bedding! Finally! and shoes and redbull...so overall it was quite a success. Lately I've been spending my days practicing the splits and selling shoes while I spend my nights among friends, playing taboo and exchanging gifts. It's good to be back. It's good to be happy.

More blogging later, I promise this time.

Vogue has an article about Black Swan and Natalie Portman (which was so brilliant...so so brilliant) and it says "She keeps you with her as she transgresses taboos, and makes you participate, for a few thrilling moments when Nina becomes the swan, in the kind of transcendent self-loss that only artists know."

Gorgeous.

"I just want to be perfect."

I Heard That Your Dreams Came True

Reasons To Be Happy #39

1. Purring

2. Audrey Hepburn

3. Mashed potatoes

4. Musicals

5. Sushi

6. Knitting

7. Natural beauty

8. Trying new things

9. Origami

10. Sleeping

Oh dear god... so so much has happened since I last blogged...which sounds ridiculous right?! As if anyone reads my blog...anyhow, first and foremost my new little babies! Rafiki and Figaro are my new month old kittens and anyone who knows anything about me can already tell you-based on that information alone that I am obsessed with them. We are currently sitting in a "kitty fort" that I crafted which consists of blankets (aka...tent), a lamp, a computer, and kitty toys...and they are actually tearing the shit out of my pretty tights...but they are so cute! How could I even stay mad?! They also knocked over my mini pink christmas tree and took all of the ornaments off...which I was kind of sad about considering the fact that I spent a ridiculous amount of time decorating it. Plus it was like this weird thing where I was actually in bed at about 3 AM and I thought "I can't sleep....I'll decorate my mini tree!" and I got up and went full out...cleaned my room too. It's about 4 AM right now and I just got home from Harrison and Carolyn's house, where we played a series of interesting games such as a strange Korean game where if you show your teeth you get beaten with pillows, Mafia, and the human knot. I also got my hair cut today and had to walk six blocks in the rain to get to the appointment because apparently the entire world needed to be downtown at 3 PM also and parking was scarce to say the least. But it gave me the perfect opportunity to showcase my umbrella:) A couple weeks ago we had a sister outing where we all had dinner at Christie's and gossiped about our lives. My birthday was on the 1st and it was wonderful! I received so many birthday wishes and my heart was just so full! I didn't really do anything that spectacular, I bought a pair of shoes and some sushi so it was mostly like any other day:) But the shoes were 50% off with my discount! I dragged poor Andra around with me the whole time, she was so sick, but she was a lovely friend and went to Koibito with me and bought me a beautiful book all about... wait for it...Mama Monster! The one and only love of my life:) I seriously almost cried. She also paid for my coffee at starbucks, where this guy behind the counter was seriously getting his flirt on until I realized that I knew him from Kids At Play! When I told him his reaction had undertones of "whoaaa, you've blossomed since you were 9 years old." Kind of gratifying since he used to hate me as a small child and then hit on me as a young adult! Carolyn made me cupcakes and brought them to the theatre and Stephen bought me this amazing fancy coffee cake, they even put a candle in it:) I was so truly touched by all of it, that I actually went to the bathroom and cried, good tears of course:) My grandma let me order a coat offline as my gift and my mom paid my vet bills and half of my phone bill-so I'm content with that! I got the Droid 2 and I hardly understand it, one day I'll figure out how to at least change my ringtone to something that isn't a creepy robot voice saying "Droid" over and over again-which has to be one of the most embarrassing noises to be coming from my purse in target. Oh the little babies have fallen asleep in my lap! Precious:) Over the mini Thanksgiving break that we had I managed to kind of get together with some friends, I saw Kali once and she came and saw Little Women, I saw Tia a couple times, I saw Gabs, and I stopped in at the bowling alley after a show and saw Rachel and Hills for a little while. I've made plans with a lot of people for over the break though. I talked to Evan Hindman yesterday and we made definite plans for coffee, I'm going to go see little Clarke in A Christmas Story (PS: Right now he's recording the original cast album!!!!!), Leland and I are going to go see the baristas in slutty costumes to see if the coffee is actually good, and I pick Eddie up from the airport on wednesday and then we leave in the morning for Bellingham to get Tia:) Opening night for Little Women went wonderfully and the show has been great. We've gotten two rave reviews and I think that we're doing quite well! I always feel weird when a director has to leave before the show is over, but he's truly there in spirit:) There's been a couple malfunctions such as Carolyn's nappy updo wig and my top busting open during my song, and noticeably too. I have about 7 costumes I think, which doesn't seem like that many anymore but really it is. Last sunday we had two shows and a cabaret, which went so well, but I was literally so done afterwards that I said "fuck it." and go so wasted. I stayed at Christie's and threw up all the next day (that's what I get for drinking wine). My mom thought that it was hilarious-I however did not because I had to go perform in like an hour and was desperately just trying to keep SOMETHING down. Luckily I got ahold of Liz, hangover extraordinaire, who knew exactly what to do and I did not vomit onstage, thank god. Kittens biting my elbows right now...and possibly climbing my hair..off topic. Anyhow, I haven't gotten any hours at work. There was over 900 dollars worth of returns in one day so the store seriously ate it and they cut my shifts for the next week. I love working there but in all honestly they are probably going to fire me because...I signed on to do another show! Yesterday I was offered the part of Marcy Parks in Spelling Bee, they couldn't find an asian and I was apparently the next best thing. But I'm actually really excited, Steph is in it and Patrick, and Harrison. I'm thumbing through the script right now...I just hope that I'm good. Anyhow I'm sure that I have more to write but I seriously have to go because I have a matinee tomorrow and it's 5 AM.

Piece of mind: December is probably going to be a difficult month for me, but it will still be wonderful:) Being positive is the key, and really I'm so proud of myself because I don't hold grudges anymore and I think that's a big step towards becoming a better Bailey!

"There is no one like me, and there never was."

It's going to be okay.

I'm A Pretty Impossible Lady To Be With

Reasons To Be Happy #38

1. Humphry, my stuffed camel

2. Kittens

3. Sitting by the fire

4. Gloves

5. Winona Ryder

6. Calendars

7. Lingering cigarette smoke

8. Laughing uncontrollably

9. Painting

10. Orange juice

Oh my, today has been quite a good day! But right now I'm afraid that I'm lying in bed with a dreadful migraine-I vomited about an hour ago. My nose is also very very swollen but I don't really feel up to venturing to the car in the dead of night...and in the pouring rain to fetch my medicine. Well all of that aside, today went quite well! I woke up and got ready to head to voice lessons and to take care of my bounced check...and got some coffee on the way. I didn't end up having a voice lesson because the power was still out when I arrived there, but I stayed to talk with Steven for awhile and it came back on! My check was taken care of and I went home to practice a bit before rehearsal and to do the dishes. I ended up doing both of those things and talking to Rachel via skype for about 30 minutes and I talked to Danny on the phone for about an hour. Then I went and filled up my gas tank and headed downtown. I parked by CP but walked to Starbucks, and when I got there I started having a conversation with the employees while rummaging through my purse for the credit card. They asked if I wanted my usual and I said..."Hmmm I don't know...no..." and then I heard a mocking voice go "nooo." and I looked up to find my Patrick working behind the counter!!! I was seriously so excited that I screamed and then ran behind the counter to hug him. He made me two coffees free of charge and we talked of the new Very Mary Kate episodes. Then he decorated our cups with "I love you"s and whatnot:) I miss that boy! I brought Danny his coffee and went to a very productive runthrough! I feel better about this show everyday. Although I did watch the movie tonight (Oh my god...Winona Ryder just breaks my heart) and it was beautiful! It isn't the book, but so much is how I pictured it. I cried through the whole thing. It was so touching. After rehearsal, during notes session to be exact, someone that I will not mention the name of said something ridiculous and Danny and I both just started laughing so hard. But it was really inappropriate to be laughing at-so we were both trying to hide it and Danny actually got up and left the room because we could nottt stop laughing.

Definition: Very Mary Kate- The most fantastic youtube series ever. Starting a whole new set of slang words such as "funzies" and "favesies."

Piece of mind: Today when Marmee sang her ballad about Beth's death, Carolyn and I cried so much. This show has not been very easy for me and I think it's honestly just because I don't have sisters. So for this whole time I've been thinking-well i don't know what that's like...but I had this great moment today where I looked at a picture of all of my dear K8 friends and I laughing at a cafe in France. They are my sisters. I mean Capital Playhouse raised us all together and I've always considered them family. We save each other, stick up for one another, we make beautiful harmony, we quarrel recklessly...but we make up. We have get togethers but it isn't the same unless everyone's there. I love them all:) And I think that remembering how that feels is going to make being a March sister so much easier.

"Broken hearts hurt but they make us strong."

I have been singing that lyric for years without listening to what it was saying.

Goodnight:)

What Is It About You That Has Commandeered My Brain?

Reasons To Be Happy #37

1. Noodles

2. String cheese

3. Power Outages

4. Umbrellas

5. Ornate picture frames

6. Grocery lists

7. Laughing babies

8. Finding new ways to disguise the taste (and sometimes texture) of vegetables.

9. Liberation

WAIT WHAT!? 37 Lists of things that make me happy?! When we get to magical number 50 I'm going to need to go back and do a recap of my hectic life and just revel in how much it's changed in so little time:) I haven't been blogging lately-for various reasons. Mostly because I've been caught up in being kind of-unhappy. A bad habit of mine. So of course-after a mini meltdown, that consisted of me singing Come To Your Senses over and over again (my voice song as of two lessons ago) until finally I just laid on the studio floor with tears streaming down my cheeks and stared at the ceiling, questioning every decision I had ever made( so overdramatic...I know). Well, after all of that, I got in my car and drove to Danny's. We watched the football game-which was actually a HORRIBLE game for the Steelers, and I went home feeling a little better-but still rather defeated. And then I looked into the mirror, and I thought about something that Danny had told me. "If you think that, it will come true." he said. And he was so right. It's okay to be sad-I mean I have to be right? How else would I become good at acting if I didn't understand sadness? But strength...that's me. I have a very potent personality. I don't care about conflict-if that's what it takes. I don't beat around the bush-blunt might as well be my middle name. And I always stick up for what I believe in. The only person who knows me and thinks that I'm weak-is myself. But it's just not true. More than I am sad-I am strong. And that's just something that I have to remind myself of everyday, even if it takes a thousand sticky notes strewn about my life with motivational sayings.

All of what I just said was just explaining why I wasn't blogging/doing anything worthwhile-sort of:)

Things that have happened lately: I GOT A JOB!!!! I was hired on the spot at my Aldo interview and I am more than happy! A european shoe store that I LOVE, with kind coworkers and a seriously kick ass discount. I went to my first day of training and I really do think that it's going to be a good fit. Bring it crazy holiday season-I will vanquish you. What else what else?! Well I bought a couple pairs of pants-which I never do, so thats kind of alarming. Little Women is going quite well and I think that the show will be quite charming. I tried on all of my costumes (There's seriously like 8) and I AM IN LOVE! Between my cute little girl dress, and my beaded wedding dress, and my...get ready...my BUSTLE!!! Oh my god I am obsessed with that bustle. I will now require a bustle for every show that I'm in. Not really (I typed this because it's kind of hard for me to convey sarcasm/humor like that(?) over the internet) Anyways I fucking love the bustle. Tonight during the wind storm...and rehearsal the power went out and Bruce and I definitely saw a ghost and I thought I was going to pee myself. It was TERRIFYING. Then I went and had some apples and caramel with Andra and we chatted about silly things and then I left and a giant branch fell on my car while I was driving. Scared the shit out of me. I actually pulled off the road for a second, I was so shaky. I got a new bed-it's giant and both the cat's sleep with me now. I've yet to get bedding though-so that's next on the list...besides orange juice and deli turkey of course. I also watched this really cute video of a kitten riding a turtle and I can't get over it. Little Clarke has made it to the Fifth Ave Theatre in Seattle! He's collaborating with Pasek and Paul and I am so jealous!!! Danny, Eddie and I are going to see him in the show and I seriously cannot wait! He just did a preview of his favorite song on TV and I am so proud:) I'm just beaming at the computer. I'm so glad that my room is finally back to being clean...it was scary here for a while. And I talked to Haleigh today:) THANK GOD. I miss her and I talked to Em too and Eddie...and Kali comes back so soon and the Harry Potter premiere. So many glorious things to look forward to. Oh! and today I went to my starbucks with Carolyn and they had closed but the boy working brought me out my usual (2, one for Carolyn too!) and then gave it to me free of charge. It was so sweet:)

Definition: Talking to yourself- completely socially acceptable.

Piece of mind: God didn't I already say so much in this post?! I guess what I can leave with is that this new show, new director, new responsibility, new job-all of it, is just so great. I'm very proud of myself. I'm going to go amazing places. To europe, even just to a new town. I'm going to learn a new language. I'm going to learn to sew, to refine my artist abilities. I'm going to taste fantastic wine and delicious food, and I will meet the most wonderful people. I will have friends from all over. I can't wait to meet them. Sometimes I think that I romanticize my tale. But honestly-I don't care if I do. I've never thought that my life would be uninteresting and I plan to do as much as I can with the time that I've got. In some ways I'm like Jo from Little Women. To hell with it all. I'm doing it my way and no one can stop me.

"The sound of our voices made us forget everything that had ever hurt our feelings."

If it weren't for music, I swear to god I'd be locked up in a padded room right now. I'd be insane.

Happy #37:)

I've Got A Fire Within Me.

Reasons To Be Happy #36

1. Blogging

2. Stuffed animals

3. Jumping on the bed

4. Soft kittens

5. Humming

6. Throw pillows

7. Snickerdoodles

8. Rolling chairs

9. Mashed potatoes

10. Friendship

I've probably written that I'm happy for friendship in my blog like 10,000 times over, but it never gets old:) I have so many amazing people in my life. Everyday I learn new ways to be a better friend to those around me from the ones in my life who lead by example. I haven't blogged in a couple days! What I've been doing: well. I've been furiously turning in applications to many retail stores, and have landed two interviews. Today I had one Forever21 and on Wednesday I have one at Aldo. Honestly I have no idea how my F21 interview went-for all I know I could've completely blown it. I've never been interviewed before so who really knows how I did. The last couple nights I've been at Danny's practicing Little Women, having dinner, sitting on facebook, trying to watch a movie, talking about EVERYTHING, making prop lists, watching videos of us perform, watching the Steelers game, sleeping, eating sushi, drinking coffee...Danny and I actually did a lot I guess. Danny told me this story about how he killed his guinea pig when he was little and it was so funny I think I started crying. He also told me that when he was in high school he sang Santa Baby and choreographed his back-up dancers and was "straight." :) I think I want to get my nails done tomorrow! We'll see. I painted one fingernail blue and I don't remember doing it...Anyhow! Little Women is going so well. In the last three days we put up Act 1 and I'm working on being off book by tomorrow-but I just started memorizing right now so we'll see. Granted I did that everyday right before I went onstage for Into the Woods rehearsal. Seldom did I ever actually sit down and run scenes. My character is such a shit-but I love being the troll in the Operatic Tragedy. Surprisingly I've been asked on a lot of dates as of late! But honestly, I can't right now. I don't want anything like that in my life. It's too much to deal with. Even though the offers are very flattering and I really do enjoy them:) I use my friends as excuses. I know Danny probably thinks I'm silly but I really am glad that he's here. We get along really well and he makes me less sad about Eddie being gone. Although no one could ever replace Eddie:) But having a new good friend, who is always here-I just really appreciate him. What else what else! I bought a picture frame and a pomegranate. I hope someone hires me. These interviews make me so nervous. Oh I suppose that's it for now:) I stayed up till 7:30 AM yesterday. I must be off to bed-I'm exhausted.

No definition or piece of mind tonight. I'm much too tired.

Mother Monster wisdom:

"I am beautiful in my own way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way."

Fierce.