I Was Listening

Reasons To Be Happy #13

1. Driving

2. Singing

3. Britney on Glee

4. Pretending to be a crazy person when hit on

5. Waving at everyone I see

6. Barbie Dolls

7. Nice boy at the bank

8. Key changes

Right now I'm catching up on my shows! First Glee, then The Office, then Weeds. Don't think I'll get through all of them tonight though. Tomorrow I get a new phone and am planning on checking up on some applications. Today I woke up at Andra's and waited for a while for her to come home so we could make crepes! I even did some of her laundry, but alas she came home too late and I had to head downtown to edit pictures for ITW press shots. I actually did a great job with parking! But it was so stressful that I made stephanie go get coffee with me because I was not about to park.. again. So Steph and I went out for some starbucks and FINALLY someone was impressed with the fact that the baristas knew my name, life, and drink order. Then we headed back to the playhouse where I discovered a Cinderella barbie on my chair! YAY! I LOVE gifts backstage. It doesn't even matter what it is-I will love it. Which is probably why the Cinderella doll, which was already fucking rad, was that much more awesome. Alec Clayton came to review the show tonight. I was good, but not my best....I hate being reviewed. Also Alayna spilled her basket of sticky buns all over the floor so everyone was sliding around in the crumbs and glitter. Kind of a hot mess. I have mystery bruises all over my legs. No joke, it totally looks like someone's been beating me. I would count them but quite honestly people who talk too much about their bruises both bore me to death and make me extremely angry, so I will refrain.

Every time I start driving now, I literally sing Into the Woods (everyone's parts) in the most cheery fashion and then I wave at all of the other people driving. Carolyn made the comment about how all of those people think I'm crazy, but I kind of am so it's fine. Also Carolyn enlightened me today that when we walk to our cars if someone tries to hit on us/get us we pretend to be crazy and homeless and if that doesn't work and they get all of the way to the raping part...then you just pee. So we practiced being crazy for a second and that was kind of fun. Then I drove home in the dark AND rain. It was perfect. I love the dark and I'm not joking at all. Plus I saw a cop and he didn't pull me over! and I put a voodoo donuts sticker and a Ghandi sticker on my car! Now the quest for the most flawless air freshener begins. I have to go to the bank tomorrow but I really really don't want to unless the nice boy is working. He's the only one who is some what amused by my confusion...the rest of them scare me. I don't know why Jesse had to move to Cali. It was really nice to have a legit friend who worked at the credit union.

Oh! I also forgot to write that yesterday while downtown first I ran into My friend Josh and that was very nice, second I was recognized in starbucks for my spandex cat suit in JCS to which they said "I will never forget your catsuit." and third when I walked by the giant sign depicting a dead fetus in front of Planned Parenthood, instead of the usual "Hello. Have a nice day. Let my wave a picture of a mutilated fetus in front of you." the woman walked up to me and said "I'm so glad your mom didn't abort you." OFFENSIVE. Why would you ever decide to say that to a passing stranger. I literally just gaped at her like "Uh excuse me but WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU." and then walked away...seriously?!

I really really need to order my halloween costume.

Dream: Let go of your defensiveness.

Definition: Flavor-blasted cheddar goldfish- Better than normal goldfish. Always keep a box handy for snacking.

Piece of mind:

Creepy text boy. You are truly obnoxious. Next time you talk to me I'm going to text you back to leave me alone. The last thing you told me is that "I needed you. Especially to heal after my ex." you said you also that "I needed to be touched and that you were the only one who could do it."

Excuse you. Let's clear this up a bit.

I don't need any guy. Ever. And I certainly don't "need" one to touch me. Do I really come off as that foolish? That I would actually fall for that line. You pretend like you're this awesome spiritual guy, who's looking for inspiration and that's it. You tell me that you want to "heal" people. Right. How many males have you healed? None, I bet. You think that since you've "cleverly" disguised what you're doing I won't see through it. Well you're wrong. I don't care how many times you tell me that being naked on a bed, being massaged by oil is a "spiritual awakening." or that we did that or this or whatever in a past life. It's BULL. You're a phony. I've known inspirational, beautiful, spiritual people all of my life, and you are NONE of those things. You are a misogynistic man-whore.

Oh and by the way-it's not really that I don't like to be touched. It's just that I don't want to be touched by you.

You should probably wash your hands every once in a while.

Tomorrow I sign up for a yoga class, voice lessons, call the college, and get a new phone...maybe a pair of shoes.

"God must be a painter. Why else would we have so many colors?"

Of course, I forgot my camera again. So i posted a picture of something I thought was pretty.

:)

So Happy I Could Die

Reasons To Be Happy #12

1. My best friend, Eddie Carroll

2. An elephant teapot

3. Driving at night

4. Banana bread

5. An entertained audience

6. The color olive

7. Cheez-It duos

8. The "Like" button on facebook

Oh today! Today was epic-but I'm at Andra's so this post will be rather short. I got my license. I passed:) I took the car to rehearsal-did a truly horrible job of parking, and then went on to have a splendid opening night. I got a coffee from starbucks earlier that was so delicious and then dropped in to R.J's for our opening night celebration. My only complaint about the show was that my dresser totes forgot about me and just didn't change me out of my ballgown. Thank god Matt and Patrick were there to save my ass. Now I'm watercoloring with Andra at 2 in the morning. I drove here. What fun:) Today when I got to my station at calltime I noticed a lovely gift with a card sticking out that said New Jersey...of course Eddie had sent me an opening night gift from NJ! A little ceramic teapot, in the shape of elephant and a detailed letter. I started sobbing. How could I not? What a terrific friend. He called me around 6 and I let him listen to Carolyn's mic check, and then HE started crying. He told me he was proud of me and that made me cry even more. It was so stupid, but kind of touching at the same time.

I moved all of my things out of Alayna's house, it was actually kind of hard for me too! I thought that I would be thrilled to be going back home, but I guess the truth is that they were just as much a family to me as anyone has ever been. I don't really want to go back to the house. It's so much easier to find reasons to be happy when I'm not living there. I'm always sad when I'm there. I dwell on the past, I let others tear down my good mood and...well dreams. I'm going to get a job this week. This is the week. I just know it. And as soon as I get that job-I will find a place and move away:) I'm that much closer to having freedom. Got my paycheck today too. I think I will buy a scarf for myself because I'm so cold and then the rest will go to my gas tank. Oh providence, my gas tank, of my car.

Ah. Well I'm sure that more happened today but I will type about it later-my camera is still at the playhouse...so not a real picture todaysies:(

Dream- Heal your emotional wounds and rejuvenate.

Definition- Amy Adams- The most beautiful actress ever.

Piece of Mind- I love my friends. I have never felt so much love in my life.

"Art is a lie that makes us realize truth."-Pablo Picasso

Those words are so beautiful. And so right.

Where They Go Hardcore And There's Glitter On The Floor

Reasons To Be Happy #11

1. Miso Soup

2. Scary cabbage patch dolls

3. Mountain Dew

4. Surprises

5. Lipstick

6. Little pebbles

7.Golden shoes

8. Colored tights

9. Animals that greet you at the door

10. Jamba Juice

First of all I heard the news today that the missing boy in Bellingham was found dead in a lagoon. So sad. I hope that his family and friends are doing alright-although how could they? When you see those things on the news they don't really seem real, which is why it's just that much more horrifying when it happens in an area that you're familiar with. I have about 15 friends who go to the same school as that boy. I hope they find out what happened to him.

In other news, preview night was tonight and I think that it went fairly well! I didn't mess up my counting at all! Although there was one point where I actually (not blocked) hit my head on the bridge, stumbled over, and fell onto the ground. It was completely unintentional and there is definitely a giant pink mark and bump on my forehead. Also my dresser for my quick change put my shoes on the wrong feet...so that was kind of an adventure. I felt like one of my TMP campers. Only about half of my 6 year olds ever had their shoes on the correct feet, and even now I don't know how they do it because I can't say that it was entirely comfortable. No matter I defs got lipstick all over the prince when we kissed because Sierra insisted on putting a shit ton of princess make-up on me. I love make-up...but I also hate it. The pictures that Dennis took with my camera look great from what I saw, but we won't know until tomorrow:) I HATE HATE HATE my profile! Why is my nose so pointy! It's funny because all of the guys who have ever been interested in me always notice my nose and comment on how it moves when I talk and is "cute" but I just think it's ugly in profile! Danny told me today that he thinks he can't get a date because his nose is so jewish and that he's getting it fixed as soon as he has money, but I don't even notice his nose, so maybe I'm over exaggerating about mine. Oh well. That sentence was written poorly. I'm not fixing it. Hmm now I'm watching Law and Order and rewarding myself with some yummy miso soup. Sierra gave me all of her seaweed too because she is not a fan. We are waiting for Dave to get back with nutella and a pint of phish food icecream. Tonight we're going full out. Some of my friends came to the show tonight but they sent me a note saying that they left at intermission. I was a little disappointed, but it's okay. It's really weird not having any friends to invite to the show. They're all in Tacoma or Bellingham, New York, New Jersey, Wisconsin, Utah, Oregon...pretty much not in Olympia. And you'd think that the Bellingham and Tacoma people could drive a little ways right? But I don't think they're up for it. Oh well, it's a lesson for me. I will drive to support my friends because I think it's super important. Actually I kind of lied 2 people I worked with over the summer came and saw the show tonight. Maybe they will spread the word that it's wonderful:) I hope they enjoyed it!

Well I don't have my camera so I won't have a pretty picture describing my day.

Definition- Broken cookies- Better than full cookies. Must always be eaten after a job well done.

Piece of Mind- My drive test is tomorrow and I think I'm going to fail. I've never been so terrified. I will probably fail. I will let you know tomorrow.

We have a good show I think and making new friends is my favorite past time.

"If you are able to be yourself, then you have no competition." -Barbara Cook

Oh I love that quote so much. I like to think that I take something from everyone I meet, see, listen to even, and that somehow all of those experiences make up Bailey. And that melting pot of...well adventures, I guess is what makes me unique. But sometimes I have to remind myself to not be a cheap imitation of someone else. It seems like it's easy to just copy other people, but I've definitely learned that just being myself is one of the most basic (but marvelous!) things I could ever do. Honesty is the key to everything.

Opening night tomorrow! Good vibes.

Also- Sierra just found glitter on her cheese and was really distraught about it. I am literally like herpes.

OH and PS: Yes my title is a Ke$ha song. I thought it pertained to my life because everywhere I walk I leave a trail of glitter.

I Was Raised To Be Charming, Not Sincere.

Reasons to be Happy #10

1. Blooming tea flowers

2. Pellegrino's limonata

3. Push-up bras

4. Microwaves

5. Princesses

6. Sassy gay men

7. Bagels

8. Very-Mary-Kate

9. Purring kitties

10. Quality Commercials

Oh my oh my. Once again I'm so exhausted and need to go wash my hair of pounds of glitter and hairspray. Today, I literally woke up at 2, watched Law and Order, talked to Eddie on the phone for maybe an hour and then went driving. Then Sierra and I went straight to rehearsal, which I am NEVER ready for. I love being in this show, but I get so stressed right before I go onstage. I literally sat and cried the other day because I felt like I was not going to make my costume changes/counting. We have an audience tomorrow. I hope at least a couple people I know come. I would be so grateful. My hair was different tonight, and it worked a lot better, and I was right at the end of Steps of The Palace for the first time in the history of this show-so thank you god. I ignored a creepy awkward text that I received...when I opened it I actually felt a chill run up my spine. No one in their right mind would read my blog but if you are reading this creepy texter, please know that when I say "I'm busy forever." it is not an invitation for you to continue trying to get a hold of me, especially at strange hours of the night. I don't want to see you, converse with you, or even associate with you. You are creepy and I hate being around you. I ignore you and you continue to tell me that "you know what I'm thinking" and all of that contrived bullshit. The fact is you don't know what I'm thinking, because if you did, you would just leave me alone. Me ignoring you is not because, "I'm scared to take the next step." It's because I have no interest in you, oh and by the way-take a shower. I find it offensive that you don't even try to impress me at all, you literally show up (unannounced and uninvited) to my house and you don't even bathe?! Then you proceed to tell me about it. I cannot handle your bad hygiene. PS: You are pretentious. Stop. You don't know me at all! You don't know my past relationships. You don't know that I had a "weak bond" with my ex boyfriend and that you would be so much better because you understand me. You are a fucktard. I have a better bond after breaking up with my ex than I will ever have with you, starting with fact that A. He's actually interesting and B. I don't feel like I'm going to get raped if I'm left alone with him. Oh and when you say things that are rude about my ex, I just think you're an asshole, because he happens to be a very good person and you don't know him at all. He put up with my shit and not the other way around so please stop acting like I'm a fucking saint because I'm not. It's so fake. I can't stand you trying so hard to get in my pants. If you actually paid attention to anything I said at all you'd know that it's never, ever going to happen. I repeat I will never fuck you. I have no desire to. I know that may a be shock to your oversized ego, but honest to god, GIVE UP. Leave me alone. Like I told you before, I'm busy. FOREVER.

Sorry about that rant, but I can't actually send that to him because I just really can't deal with that confrontation right now, so I just ignore him. Jesus though, don't you think that if someone ignores you and tells you blatantly. "I'm busy forever." you would take a hint? I only honestly can only deal with gay men. It's probably because I've realized how much of a mess I was with straight guys before so now I'm afraid to even look at them (not that I would ever look at him, because he is the definition of gross.) This is the first time since the 8th grade that I haven't been pining after a boy. The Dalai Lamas says "remember, the best relationship is one in which your love from each other, exceeds your need for each other." I think that I was really mixed up about this earlier. I remember distinctly hearing someone say to me that they "didn't need me." and it completely breaking my heart. But what an amazing epiphany for them to have! And now for me. I feel wonderful about this.

Okay I have to take a shower. Preview night is TOMORROW.

Ahhhh.

No dreams.

Definition- Shoes- Item bought in order to achieve happiness. The more shoes there are, the more happy you become.

Piece of mind: Thank you.

"When you realize that you've made a mistake take immediate steps to correct it."

I wish...

Wonderful Webpages

http://www.jennifermaestre.com/

http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/quick-reference-a-guide-to-herbs-and-spices-108770

tp://www.womansday.com/Articles/Health/Diet-Nutrition/Surprising-Healing-Benefits-of-Spices.html

http://www.menshealth.com/shortordercook/

I REALLY like cooking websites.

http://www.petapixel.com/2010/02/15/scientific-curiosity-captured-in-photos/

http://zaxy.wordpress.com/

http://www.owenkelly.net/737/dalai-lamas-18-rules-for-living/

http://www.divinecaroline.com/22189/98450-thirty-books-everyone-read-they-re

http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-best-films-of-the-00s,35931/

http://www.odditycentral.com/pics/quilling-the-art-of-turning-paper-strips-into-intricate-artworks.html

http://www.foundmagazine.com/

There's some for nowsies.

I will write tonight.

I Get Up On My Feet Just As Fast As I Can

Reasons To Be Happy #9

1. Tea

2. Talented scene partners

3. Bernadette Peters

4. Sun dried tomatoes

5. Music by Jeff Blumenkrantz

6. Piano

7. Sleep

8. God

I'm so tired. It's 1:00 AM and I just got home, glittery again. Styling princess hair everyday WILL be the ban of my existence. Please someone just throw a friggen wig at me. My stage makeup is out of control due to the low lighting of the show. I look like a streetwalker. Cinderella, the skankho. Welcome to the woods. I was not good tonight. I'm an absolute perfectionist and having the orchestra tonight made me want to practice even more. 2 days till performance. 3 till drivers test...what if I fail? That's so negative of me to say, but honestly I'm not the greatest of drivers. I'm nervous. I feel like my brain is being pressure cooked. I have to go style an updo, practice, practice, practice, shower, practice, and possibly sleep. I couldn't hear the pit at all tonight and I need to get better.

A little about my day besides tranny-mess rehearsal. I woke up to a ton of running and barking from the puppy. He decided that he was going to SHIT EVERYWHERE and then rip up like 5 loofas and about a dozen used tampons. I could have killed the son of a bitch. But he's really afraid of the vacuum... and Samara so he followed me around and hid behind me for the whole day until he fell asleep in my bed. I'm guessing he was tired from all of the earlier destruction.

I then waited for 4 hours for the Schwans man to come and bring me delicious food and he didn't ever show, so I forgot to eat and almost passed out during the finale of act 2. I hope people actually come to the show. I hope that I'm actually good in the show. I have to go though, I simply can't waste anymore time blogging. I just reread that sentence and it makes me want to shoot myself. Since when is the word "blogging" in my vocabulary?! I'm so obnoxious.

No dreams. Well none worth translating. Only nightmares about Stephen Sondheim.

Definition- Squirt- The best soda. Ever.

Piece of Mind- I better get this right tomorrow or I'm going to shoot myself.

I did a pretty kick-ass harmony during "No One is Alone" today though.

I was really proud:)

"Life must go on, though good men die."

The song I'm listening to just said that.

And I took the above promo-shot. They are totes brills.

Going to wash the glitter off of my body.

Ah, How Can Worldly Things Take The Place Of Honor Lost?

Reasons To Be Happy #8

1. SUCCESSFUL COUNTING OF STEPHEN SONDHEIM

2. Rubber boots

3. Orange juice

4. Camels

5. Underwear

6. Witty remarks

7. Skyping faraway friends

8. Falsies

9. 80's sweaters

10. Law and Order

GLITTER GLITTER GLITTER!! There is glitter everywhere. It's in my hair, on my bed, on the floor, on the stage, in the car, on my fellow actors, in my underwear even! Cinderella is the sparkliest princess in the history of the world! But my dress is absolutely GORGEOUS. I'm so content, today I had some hair-mishaps but they should be fixed by the run tomorrow and THAT WAS IT! I was feeling a bit of the diva earlier in rehearsal (although I didn't say anything) when I went up to the sound booth and the man running it told me that I had to go the night without a mic while other people with a couple lines had mics, luckily Jeff overheard this and overruled it at once. Singing sick without a mic would have so horrible! But the run went great for me! I'm really excited for the show to open and to get glitter all over the audience. Oh wonderful wonderful! Today I went to target (I know I know shame on me for shopping there...) I keep repeating my words. But anyways there was only one A-cup strapless bra in the entire store! What is that?! Luckily I found it. Anyways I buffed my nails and now I'm watching Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Every time I see Marilyn Monroe now I can't help but think of the late President Kennedy. One of my friends is like super convinced that she was involved in a conspiracy to kill him... whatever I have a calendar that's all of her face. Well I NEED to wash all of this glitter off and practice. Plus I forgot my bag at CP so I have to go retrieve it in the morning. Love Love Love.

Here's a definition: Redbull- Same as crack. Not very good for you. Addictive. Fantastic.

Piece of mind: I can't think. I just don't have time right now:) Sometimes I'm afraid that when everything slows down again I will think too much. I don't want to think. It feels better to just be.

"Nothing's gone. But nothing's lasting."

A very dear friend of mine once said to me "I'll be okay. I always am." and he was right.

I am okay.

I only wish that he could be here to see it. I know he would be so proud of this positive, stable person I have become. And I owe all of it to him.

...you can't just wish, no to get your wish you go into the woods where nothing's clear, where witches, ghosts, and wolves appear. Into the woods and through the fear you have to take the journey. Into the woods and down the dell, in vain perhaps, but who can tell. Into the woods to lift the spell.

I really do love my life and all of the people in it.