We've Got Our Love To Pay The Bills

Reasons To Be Happy #40

1. Clear sky

2. Chapstick

3. Faux fur

4. Movies that make you think

5. Bows

6. Laughing

7. Being okay

Once again....I didn't blog for about a century, and absolutely no one noticed! :) The month of December was memorable. Little Women closing night was wonderful, although we all cried during the show, especially Christie...and I had to go straight to work after strike. I've been working non-stop this whole week! I feel like a true shoe-connoisseur. Christmas didn't really feel like a holiday this year, mostly because I was house-sitting in Rochester alone-which I really enjoyed. I really like being alone, it's peaceful. I think that's mainly what I miss about Isaiah, he was the one person that I could always stand being around instead of being alone. I don't have someone like that anymore-which is disappointing but also, kind of relieving. Speaking of Isaiah, I got coffee with him and talked to him on the phone or about 3 hours..most people would say that this was indeed a terrible terrible idea. But he isn't someone that I can stay mad at, and even if he's caused me a lot of grief these past few months, I owed him some apologies. And if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be changed now-and I really like the new me! Anyhow, it was good to see him. Haleigh visited me at work the other day and it was AMAZING to see her! I can't wait for us to hangout! But back to Christmas-I got so distracted- My parents got me bedding! Finally! and shoes and redbull...so overall it was quite a success. Lately I've been spending my days practicing the splits and selling shoes while I spend my nights among friends, playing taboo and exchanging gifts. It's good to be back. It's good to be happy.

More blogging later, I promise this time.

Vogue has an article about Black Swan and Natalie Portman (which was so brilliant...so so brilliant) and it says "She keeps you with her as she transgresses taboos, and makes you participate, for a few thrilling moments when Nina becomes the swan, in the kind of transcendent self-loss that only artists know."

Gorgeous.

"I just want to be perfect."

I Heard That Your Dreams Came True

Reasons To Be Happy #39

1. Purring

2. Audrey Hepburn

3. Mashed potatoes

4. Musicals

5. Sushi

6. Knitting

7. Natural beauty

8. Trying new things

9. Origami

10. Sleeping

Oh dear god... so so much has happened since I last blogged...which sounds ridiculous right?! As if anyone reads my blog...anyhow, first and foremost my new little babies! Rafiki and Figaro are my new month old kittens and anyone who knows anything about me can already tell you-based on that information alone that I am obsessed with them. We are currently sitting in a "kitty fort" that I crafted which consists of blankets (aka...tent), a lamp, a computer, and kitty toys...and they are actually tearing the shit out of my pretty tights...but they are so cute! How could I even stay mad?! They also knocked over my mini pink christmas tree and took all of the ornaments off...which I was kind of sad about considering the fact that I spent a ridiculous amount of time decorating it. Plus it was like this weird thing where I was actually in bed at about 3 AM and I thought "I can't sleep....I'll decorate my mini tree!" and I got up and went full out...cleaned my room too. It's about 4 AM right now and I just got home from Harrison and Carolyn's house, where we played a series of interesting games such as a strange Korean game where if you show your teeth you get beaten with pillows, Mafia, and the human knot. I also got my hair cut today and had to walk six blocks in the rain to get to the appointment because apparently the entire world needed to be downtown at 3 PM also and parking was scarce to say the least. But it gave me the perfect opportunity to showcase my umbrella:) A couple weeks ago we had a sister outing where we all had dinner at Christie's and gossiped about our lives. My birthday was on the 1st and it was wonderful! I received so many birthday wishes and my heart was just so full! I didn't really do anything that spectacular, I bought a pair of shoes and some sushi so it was mostly like any other day:) But the shoes were 50% off with my discount! I dragged poor Andra around with me the whole time, she was so sick, but she was a lovely friend and went to Koibito with me and bought me a beautiful book all about... wait for it...Mama Monster! The one and only love of my life:) I seriously almost cried. She also paid for my coffee at starbucks, where this guy behind the counter was seriously getting his flirt on until I realized that I knew him from Kids At Play! When I told him his reaction had undertones of "whoaaa, you've blossomed since you were 9 years old." Kind of gratifying since he used to hate me as a small child and then hit on me as a young adult! Carolyn made me cupcakes and brought them to the theatre and Stephen bought me this amazing fancy coffee cake, they even put a candle in it:) I was so truly touched by all of it, that I actually went to the bathroom and cried, good tears of course:) My grandma let me order a coat offline as my gift and my mom paid my vet bills and half of my phone bill-so I'm content with that! I got the Droid 2 and I hardly understand it, one day I'll figure out how to at least change my ringtone to something that isn't a creepy robot voice saying "Droid" over and over again-which has to be one of the most embarrassing noises to be coming from my purse in target. Oh the little babies have fallen asleep in my lap! Precious:) Over the mini Thanksgiving break that we had I managed to kind of get together with some friends, I saw Kali once and she came and saw Little Women, I saw Tia a couple times, I saw Gabs, and I stopped in at the bowling alley after a show and saw Rachel and Hills for a little while. I've made plans with a lot of people for over the break though. I talked to Evan Hindman yesterday and we made definite plans for coffee, I'm going to go see little Clarke in A Christmas Story (PS: Right now he's recording the original cast album!!!!!), Leland and I are going to go see the baristas in slutty costumes to see if the coffee is actually good, and I pick Eddie up from the airport on wednesday and then we leave in the morning for Bellingham to get Tia:) Opening night for Little Women went wonderfully and the show has been great. We've gotten two rave reviews and I think that we're doing quite well! I always feel weird when a director has to leave before the show is over, but he's truly there in spirit:) There's been a couple malfunctions such as Carolyn's nappy updo wig and my top busting open during my song, and noticeably too. I have about 7 costumes I think, which doesn't seem like that many anymore but really it is. Last sunday we had two shows and a cabaret, which went so well, but I was literally so done afterwards that I said "fuck it." and go so wasted. I stayed at Christie's and threw up all the next day (that's what I get for drinking wine). My mom thought that it was hilarious-I however did not because I had to go perform in like an hour and was desperately just trying to keep SOMETHING down. Luckily I got ahold of Liz, hangover extraordinaire, who knew exactly what to do and I did not vomit onstage, thank god. Kittens biting my elbows right now...and possibly climbing my hair..off topic. Anyhow, I haven't gotten any hours at work. There was over 900 dollars worth of returns in one day so the store seriously ate it and they cut my shifts for the next week. I love working there but in all honestly they are probably going to fire me because...I signed on to do another show! Yesterday I was offered the part of Marcy Parks in Spelling Bee, they couldn't find an asian and I was apparently the next best thing. But I'm actually really excited, Steph is in it and Patrick, and Harrison. I'm thumbing through the script right now...I just hope that I'm good. Anyhow I'm sure that I have more to write but I seriously have to go because I have a matinee tomorrow and it's 5 AM.

Piece of mind: December is probably going to be a difficult month for me, but it will still be wonderful:) Being positive is the key, and really I'm so proud of myself because I don't hold grudges anymore and I think that's a big step towards becoming a better Bailey!

"There is no one like me, and there never was."

It's going to be okay.

I'm A Pretty Impossible Lady To Be With

Reasons To Be Happy #38

1. Humphry, my stuffed camel

2. Kittens

3. Sitting by the fire

4. Gloves

5. Winona Ryder

6. Calendars

7. Lingering cigarette smoke

8. Laughing uncontrollably

9. Painting

10. Orange juice

Oh my, today has been quite a good day! But right now I'm afraid that I'm lying in bed with a dreadful migraine-I vomited about an hour ago. My nose is also very very swollen but I don't really feel up to venturing to the car in the dead of night...and in the pouring rain to fetch my medicine. Well all of that aside, today went quite well! I woke up and got ready to head to voice lessons and to take care of my bounced check...and got some coffee on the way. I didn't end up having a voice lesson because the power was still out when I arrived there, but I stayed to talk with Steven for awhile and it came back on! My check was taken care of and I went home to practice a bit before rehearsal and to do the dishes. I ended up doing both of those things and talking to Rachel via skype for about 30 minutes and I talked to Danny on the phone for about an hour. Then I went and filled up my gas tank and headed downtown. I parked by CP but walked to Starbucks, and when I got there I started having a conversation with the employees while rummaging through my purse for the credit card. They asked if I wanted my usual and I said..."Hmmm I don't know...no..." and then I heard a mocking voice go "nooo." and I looked up to find my Patrick working behind the counter!!! I was seriously so excited that I screamed and then ran behind the counter to hug him. He made me two coffees free of charge and we talked of the new Very Mary Kate episodes. Then he decorated our cups with "I love you"s and whatnot:) I miss that boy! I brought Danny his coffee and went to a very productive runthrough! I feel better about this show everyday. Although I did watch the movie tonight (Oh my god...Winona Ryder just breaks my heart) and it was beautiful! It isn't the book, but so much is how I pictured it. I cried through the whole thing. It was so touching. After rehearsal, during notes session to be exact, someone that I will not mention the name of said something ridiculous and Danny and I both just started laughing so hard. But it was really inappropriate to be laughing at-so we were both trying to hide it and Danny actually got up and left the room because we could nottt stop laughing.

Definition: Very Mary Kate- The most fantastic youtube series ever. Starting a whole new set of slang words such as "funzies" and "favesies."

Piece of mind: Today when Marmee sang her ballad about Beth's death, Carolyn and I cried so much. This show has not been very easy for me and I think it's honestly just because I don't have sisters. So for this whole time I've been thinking-well i don't know what that's like...but I had this great moment today where I looked at a picture of all of my dear K8 friends and I laughing at a cafe in France. They are my sisters. I mean Capital Playhouse raised us all together and I've always considered them family. We save each other, stick up for one another, we make beautiful harmony, we quarrel recklessly...but we make up. We have get togethers but it isn't the same unless everyone's there. I love them all:) And I think that remembering how that feels is going to make being a March sister so much easier.

"Broken hearts hurt but they make us strong."

I have been singing that lyric for years without listening to what it was saying.

Goodnight:)

What Is It About You That Has Commandeered My Brain?

Reasons To Be Happy #37

1. Noodles

2. String cheese

3. Power Outages

4. Umbrellas

5. Ornate picture frames

6. Grocery lists

7. Laughing babies

8. Finding new ways to disguise the taste (and sometimes texture) of vegetables.

9. Liberation

WAIT WHAT!? 37 Lists of things that make me happy?! When we get to magical number 50 I'm going to need to go back and do a recap of my hectic life and just revel in how much it's changed in so little time:) I haven't been blogging lately-for various reasons. Mostly because I've been caught up in being kind of-unhappy. A bad habit of mine. So of course-after a mini meltdown, that consisted of me singing Come To Your Senses over and over again (my voice song as of two lessons ago) until finally I just laid on the studio floor with tears streaming down my cheeks and stared at the ceiling, questioning every decision I had ever made( so overdramatic...I know). Well, after all of that, I got in my car and drove to Danny's. We watched the football game-which was actually a HORRIBLE game for the Steelers, and I went home feeling a little better-but still rather defeated. And then I looked into the mirror, and I thought about something that Danny had told me. "If you think that, it will come true." he said. And he was so right. It's okay to be sad-I mean I have to be right? How else would I become good at acting if I didn't understand sadness? But strength...that's me. I have a very potent personality. I don't care about conflict-if that's what it takes. I don't beat around the bush-blunt might as well be my middle name. And I always stick up for what I believe in. The only person who knows me and thinks that I'm weak-is myself. But it's just not true. More than I am sad-I am strong. And that's just something that I have to remind myself of everyday, even if it takes a thousand sticky notes strewn about my life with motivational sayings.

All of what I just said was just explaining why I wasn't blogging/doing anything worthwhile-sort of:)

Things that have happened lately: I GOT A JOB!!!! I was hired on the spot at my Aldo interview and I am more than happy! A european shoe store that I LOVE, with kind coworkers and a seriously kick ass discount. I went to my first day of training and I really do think that it's going to be a good fit. Bring it crazy holiday season-I will vanquish you. What else what else?! Well I bought a couple pairs of pants-which I never do, so thats kind of alarming. Little Women is going quite well and I think that the show will be quite charming. I tried on all of my costumes (There's seriously like 8) and I AM IN LOVE! Between my cute little girl dress, and my beaded wedding dress, and my...get ready...my BUSTLE!!! Oh my god I am obsessed with that bustle. I will now require a bustle for every show that I'm in. Not really (I typed this because it's kind of hard for me to convey sarcasm/humor like that(?) over the internet) Anyways I fucking love the bustle. Tonight during the wind storm...and rehearsal the power went out and Bruce and I definitely saw a ghost and I thought I was going to pee myself. It was TERRIFYING. Then I went and had some apples and caramel with Andra and we chatted about silly things and then I left and a giant branch fell on my car while I was driving. Scared the shit out of me. I actually pulled off the road for a second, I was so shaky. I got a new bed-it's giant and both the cat's sleep with me now. I've yet to get bedding though-so that's next on the list...besides orange juice and deli turkey of course. I also watched this really cute video of a kitten riding a turtle and I can't get over it. Little Clarke has made it to the Fifth Ave Theatre in Seattle! He's collaborating with Pasek and Paul and I am so jealous!!! Danny, Eddie and I are going to see him in the show and I seriously cannot wait! He just did a preview of his favorite song on TV and I am so proud:) I'm just beaming at the computer. I'm so glad that my room is finally back to being clean...it was scary here for a while. And I talked to Haleigh today:) THANK GOD. I miss her and I talked to Em too and Eddie...and Kali comes back so soon and the Harry Potter premiere. So many glorious things to look forward to. Oh! and today I went to my starbucks with Carolyn and they had closed but the boy working brought me out my usual (2, one for Carolyn too!) and then gave it to me free of charge. It was so sweet:)

Definition: Talking to yourself- completely socially acceptable.

Piece of mind: God didn't I already say so much in this post?! I guess what I can leave with is that this new show, new director, new responsibility, new job-all of it, is just so great. I'm very proud of myself. I'm going to go amazing places. To europe, even just to a new town. I'm going to learn a new language. I'm going to learn to sew, to refine my artist abilities. I'm going to taste fantastic wine and delicious food, and I will meet the most wonderful people. I will have friends from all over. I can't wait to meet them. Sometimes I think that I romanticize my tale. But honestly-I don't care if I do. I've never thought that my life would be uninteresting and I plan to do as much as I can with the time that I've got. In some ways I'm like Jo from Little Women. To hell with it all. I'm doing it my way and no one can stop me.

"The sound of our voices made us forget everything that had ever hurt our feelings."

If it weren't for music, I swear to god I'd be locked up in a padded room right now. I'd be insane.

Happy #37:)

I've Got A Fire Within Me.

Reasons To Be Happy #36

1. Blogging

2. Stuffed animals

3. Jumping on the bed

4. Soft kittens

5. Humming

6. Throw pillows

7. Snickerdoodles

8. Rolling chairs

9. Mashed potatoes

10. Friendship

I've probably written that I'm happy for friendship in my blog like 10,000 times over, but it never gets old:) I have so many amazing people in my life. Everyday I learn new ways to be a better friend to those around me from the ones in my life who lead by example. I haven't blogged in a couple days! What I've been doing: well. I've been furiously turning in applications to many retail stores, and have landed two interviews. Today I had one Forever21 and on Wednesday I have one at Aldo. Honestly I have no idea how my F21 interview went-for all I know I could've completely blown it. I've never been interviewed before so who really knows how I did. The last couple nights I've been at Danny's practicing Little Women, having dinner, sitting on facebook, trying to watch a movie, talking about EVERYTHING, making prop lists, watching videos of us perform, watching the Steelers game, sleeping, eating sushi, drinking coffee...Danny and I actually did a lot I guess. Danny told me this story about how he killed his guinea pig when he was little and it was so funny I think I started crying. He also told me that when he was in high school he sang Santa Baby and choreographed his back-up dancers and was "straight." :) I think I want to get my nails done tomorrow! We'll see. I painted one fingernail blue and I don't remember doing it...Anyhow! Little Women is going so well. In the last three days we put up Act 1 and I'm working on being off book by tomorrow-but I just started memorizing right now so we'll see. Granted I did that everyday right before I went onstage for Into the Woods rehearsal. Seldom did I ever actually sit down and run scenes. My character is such a shit-but I love being the troll in the Operatic Tragedy. Surprisingly I've been asked on a lot of dates as of late! But honestly, I can't right now. I don't want anything like that in my life. It's too much to deal with. Even though the offers are very flattering and I really do enjoy them:) I use my friends as excuses. I know Danny probably thinks I'm silly but I really am glad that he's here. We get along really well and he makes me less sad about Eddie being gone. Although no one could ever replace Eddie:) But having a new good friend, who is always here-I just really appreciate him. What else what else! I bought a picture frame and a pomegranate. I hope someone hires me. These interviews make me so nervous. Oh I suppose that's it for now:) I stayed up till 7:30 AM yesterday. I must be off to bed-I'm exhausted.

No definition or piece of mind tonight. I'm much too tired.

Mother Monster wisdom:

"I am beautiful in my own way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way."

Fierce.

As Artists We Are Eternally Heartbroken

Reasons To Be Happy #35

1. Milkshakes

2. Inspiration

3. Flowers

4. Liza Minnelli

5. Drag Queens

6. Best friends

7. Smiling at strangers

8. Bumperstickers

9. Meaningful tattoos

10. Color

11. Hugh Jackman

This blog post is two days in one because I was too tired last night to write at all:) Yesterday I applied for more jobs and went and visited Kevin at work. He works at a little coffee stand called Dutch Brothers and he gave me free coffee-which was delicious! It had 4 shots of coffee in it though and I totally thought I was going to die. My heart was completely beating out my chest. I was so antsy! I kept singing about the traffic-it was as if merging was the most exciting thing I could ever do. Anyways then Kevin asked if I wanted to hangout that night and I said yes but then quickly rescheduled and decided that instead I was going to go visit Danny-whether he liked it or not. So I went and bought the largest pumpkin pie milkshake at Eagans and drove to his apartment. Once there I called him and said "Where are you?" (he was obviously there because his car was in his parking spot) to which he said "My apartment" and I said "OH MY GOD NO WAY! That's where I am too!" Then he said "stupid!" and opened the door happily to find me all wigged out on caffeine holding a giant milkshake. I gave him the delicious milkshake and then we played Mario Party. My caffeine high had a giant crash right about the middle of our game and all I wanted to do was nap. We put the computer characters on easy and lost \-so that was really sad. But then I used his ab peanut and we watched videos of Little Women and he choreographed while I facebooked. I had some nutella toast also! AND made a really good christmas mix...I know I know jumping the gun. But I found this bomb turkey song that I'm definitely going to sing for the world via my facebook page. Can't wait. Like at all. I might do it right now. Anyhow, after all of this I went home and to bed. THEN today I woke up and went to get my paycheck. I visited with Stephanie, Steven, and Cathie for awhile and that was quite lovely:) Then I met Kevin downtown and he brought me more delicious coffee (only 2 shots this time)! We walked around the lake for awhile and then went and visited Steven. Making new friends is my favorite thing. I want to make friends everywhere I go:) Then Kevin took me to get my palm read which was AMAZING and I will write more about it later. Then I went to Radiance and bought some tea in bulk and he took my debit card and wouldn't let me pay for any of it! It was very sweet:) After all of that I went to F21 and bought 2 dresses (hopefully to wear to interviews). Then to rehearsal where we did a "play through" which is basically a read-through on your feet. It was kind of intimidating, having to make so many choices on the fly. But the cast is super talented and I enjoy everyone. Carolyn and I sat crying and holding hands during Beth's death and it wasn't even staged yet. The show will be quite touching. After rehearsal everyone went out to get a beer-so obviously I could not go:) I went to Andra's instead and we walked to Safeway where this creepy man with a broom followed us around the store and pretended to need to sweep around us in every isle we went into. It was awkward-he was rapey. Then we ran into Garrett Holbrook who was driving back from having breakup sex with his...girl I guess. He told us about how much he loved Hollywood and it was amazing and blahblahblah. I'm happy for him I really am-but the Hollywood party scene does not impress me at all. I think that there are WAY more talented, real, people living in New York and I would much rather live there. There's too much bullshit in Hollywood. I could never thrive in such a fake environment. He had flown back for elk season...at least he's aware that he's a redneck I guess. Then I went to Andra's and ate and talked and drove home and now I'm here and I NEED to get some sleep:)

Definition- Balsamic Vinegar- The best kind of vinegar, always perfect with olive oil and french bread.

Piece of mind- Having my palm read was the most inspiring thing that's happened to me in a long time. The woman was wary of me (I could tell) when I walked in and said I wanted my palm read. And it really was sweet of Kevin to take me there because the first time we met I commented briefly about how I'd always wanted to have it done-and he remembered:) Anyhow the woman looked at my hand and I'm going to try and list everything she said, now keep in mind that I said NOTHING during all of this because I wanted to know how real it was and was not about to give away any information about myself.

The first thing she said was that I was a singer and a dancer. She said that I pay attention to detail and that it's important to me so I'm good at performing and that I would be a very good accountant but that I would never choose that because I would hate it. She said I would have 3 careers throughout my life-which would be very long. She said that I've been very healthy throughout my life except when I was younger where I was sick a lot. She said that I would always be mature for my age and that I had a lot of common sense. She said that I preferred to be in a relationship with someone but that I was very very picky about who I am in relationships with. She said that I'm kind and too the point. I'm blunt and I don't usually like wishywashy people. She said that I wanted to travel and see everything and that my parents wouldn't like it and there would be a lot of struggle there. Money is important to me. I am very balanced and level-headed. She said my biggest fault is that I can be too much of a people pleaser at times because I want to keep the peace. She told me that people are going to tell me that I need to settle down and have a house and a home and that I shouldn't do it until I'm actually ready. She said that I will lead such an interesting life. At one point she looked up at me and just smiled and said "My dear you are such a free spirit. I'm so glad that I had the privilege of meeting you."

I was just speechless! Here I am thinking that this will be fun but probably a crock of shit...and she looks at my hand and says "You sing."

Everything she said was true. And not like when I find a way to fit my horoscope to my life. She was dead on. I did have problems with my health when I was little-I almost died several times in the hospital. I am SO picky about guys-infact I had just said that Danny the night before. I do prefer to be in a relationship. I can't be in one now because I'm so picky-but I hardly know my life without one. I pay attention to detail-and being an accountant would drive me fucking nuts. I'm blunt. I hangout with people a lot older than me and that could be because I'm mature or because they aren't but...I'll just hope that I'm mature. My parents won't help me pay for college if it's out of state and they don't want me to do theatre. They say that it's a waste of money and time and that I will fail. They don't want me to travel-at all. Danny also said to me the night before-stop trying to make other people happy, what about Bailey? Which I think that I think too much about myself-so hearing this from 2 different people in one week is a little strange.

The very last thing she said to me was this:

"Remember God wants you to have freewill."

It's so strange because the truth is-until she said that-I had completely forgotten.

What a splendid day.

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore."

That's from Mother Monster:)

Let's change the world. One sequin at a time.

The Last Midnight

Pictures I never posted: