We Were Not The People That We Turned Out To Be

Reasons To Be Happy #31

1. Scooby Doo

2. Spaghetti

3. Mary Poppins

4. Flat pumpkins

5. Interesting names

6. Little Monsters

7. Whistling

8. Braided belts

9. Familiar faces

10. Merry Happy- by Kate Nash

Right now I'm facebook chatting Karl and having a bowl of spaghetti. I also just downed like 4 cups of vanilla maple tea. Mmmm fall. Today was not very eventful actually. I woke up at 1...the usual, and then set off to get coffee and drop off a halloween costume-sadly no one was home...So I talked to Carolyn on the phone for like an hour and then headed to the mini-pumkin patch by my house! I picked out a beautiful Cinderella pumpkin in my 6 inch heels. I got A LOT of funny looks:) Trekking through mud in my spice world shoes! Wonderful:) I also drove by the house I grew up in today-just to see what it looked like now. It was always so beautiful there in the fall-I just had to see my tree stump of my beloved maple. I gazed at the fence I helped my father build, my old treefort, the orchard. Life is funny isn't it? After that I headed to drop off the costume. That was an interesting event. It was a little Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind for me. I thought if I could go back and change this memory...or if I could just keep this one...just the way it is...and then there was a moment where I thought I'm okay-the memories don't affect me at all. I kind of wished I would just stop remembering though. My mind was a total clusterfuck of thoughts. It went well anyhow, the conversation I mean-So I guess part of my brain was still engaged. After that I went to the show. My car is such a mess. There's no garbage...but CLOTHES everywhere. Well at the show, I did fairly well! The was a large selection of food backstage per usual-haystacks, veggie platter, cookies, candy, watermelon, banana bread. Delicious. During the Act 1 finale I tripped so hardcore on the blood glitter though. I would have face-planted had Matt not caught me. Of course this caused me to do the rest of the number laughing out of my mind. Tomorrow is closing night and my goal is to learn the words for the Act 1 finale-for I still don't know them. "If you want your wish you can blahblah wish...wish...wish?" Is pretty much what comes out of my mouth every night. During rehearsal Matt and I used to list of different kinds of food "Chimichanga wish, jolly rancher wish.." Doesn't really work during an actual performance I've found. Anyhow! Heidi Fredricks, my beloved acting coach and friend was there tonight and I was so nervous! Which is just silly, because she will love whatever we do-but I just adore her! I found her in the audience immediately-along with Harrison, who decided to sit front row. Carolyn was hardly pleased:) I got really really emotional during No One Is Alone tonight. After the show, I walked with Matt to the car-usual, and then rode home-singing Mariella. My brother had two friends in the driveway...new ones that I don't know well. It's odd how my brother's friends work: there's the ones that are like my other brothers: Ben and Coop and Fig and Ezra and Clayton...pretty much, give or take. And then there are the shy ones that I don't remember their names-who are sweet but awkward. And then...then there are the show off annoying ones who don't understand our age difference...Please dear god don't hit on me. It makes me want to roll into a ball and die that the only person who hits on me is a 13 year old, and I'm sure that my brother also finds it weird...No it is not fate that we both like hummus....gross. I had a wonderful chat with Daphne just now! I asked her what she was doing and she literally said "oh not a lot. I'm headed to Paris..." WHAT. I wish that was my life-"Oh not much, going to the Eiffel Tower-maybe Versailles if I get bored...you know." I actually just sighed:) She said she will think of me there. I can't wait to go back! Oh my, well I must retire. Tomorrow I'm going to surprise Danny with a pumpkin pie milkshake after his classes...if I ever wake up:) I shall try!

Definition: Vegetables- Disgusting.

Piece of Mind: Today during No One Is Alone I looked up to find Heidi sitting in the second row-right where I usually sing to. I starting singing to her and then I started to cry. I remembered my first lead-Timoune in Once On This Island. I was so scared. I had zero confidence-Heidi was the acting coach, and my hero. There was this one day I remember where we were sitting in the studio, going over my lines, just me and her, analyzing scene by scene. We got to the part where Daniel leaves Timoune. He says "I thought you understood that we could never be together." and then she falls apart. She cries, she hears voices. And as I was losing my mind, pouring out my soul for the first time ever-Heidi started crying. I remember looking at her and asking if I had done something wrong and she just smiled through her tears and said "No. You just get it." I lost it tonight during that song. I could see her crying in the audience, and I started too and I just couldn't stop.

"I shouldn’t want the song to end. I always think of each night as a song. Or each moment as a song. But now I’m seeing we don’t live in a single song. We move from song to song, from lyric to lyric, from chord to chord. There is no ending here."

Tomorrow this song ends. I wonder what the next one has in store for me.

Goodnight lovely.

Skeleton You Are My Friend

Reasons To Be Happy #30

1. The past

2. Independence

3. Samara

4. The Schwan's man

5. Toothpaste

6. Drag queens

7. Solving mysteries

8. Love

9. Clean fingernails

7. Pomegranate

8. Mismatched socks

Hello! Blog post number 30! I can hardly believe that I've actually kept up with something for that long. I'm proud:) Today I woke up to Samara talking to Sierra in the other room-because she didn't want to wake Andra and I-but was talking so loudly in the other room that it woke me anyways. Then the 4 of us sat on Alayna's bed and chatted about life for awhile. Samara must've been afraid of Andra's reaction to being woken up because I just can't think of any other reason that she would opt to wake Sierra over me. I'm so pleasant in the morning whereas Sierra is truly an evil dragon (no offense I love you.) Anyhow I went downstairs and enjoyed a nutritional breakfast on mini-deep-dish pizzas. Then I watched Project Runway and headed home. Once home I cleaned, got dressed, watched some Family Guy and then headed to the mall to meet my mother! She bought me a pair of shoes, and a new pair of knee highs. So kind:) It's almost 5 in the morning so I'm sure this post is yucky...blehhhh. After we putted around the mall for awhile I went to Capital Playhouse to get ready for the show-and was super early so I went and got coffee with Jo the sound guy! I love listening to Jo talk because he just got married a couple months ago and he ADORES his wife. It's so cute. He told me all about how she bought him a new tie and about how he was trying to find the perfect place to take her on a date. He's always so giddy when he talks about her, I just love it:) After coffee I got ready for the show and then went to places. Carolyn made these bomb haystacks so of course me and my fatty self ate like 5 of them. Then Jeff said "Once upon a time..." and I just walked onstage and sang "I wish.." completely on auto pilot and then internally was like "shit when did I get onstage there's an audience..." No big fuck ups today...that I remember. Steps Of The Palace went surprisingly well. They filmed too. The audience was really small but it was full of familiar faces. Starting with my first grade teacher who was sitting in the first row, next to Brenda of course. Jessica Yost was sitting behind them and I could see Bruce in the back. Anna was by the aisle, so that was a nice face to pan to also:) I LOVE Anna! After the show, Matt walked me to my car (like a perfect little gentleman.) Sweetheart:) I will miss him...only two more shows-so strange. Anyhow, as soon as I got home there were so many woodland creatures gathered in my yard (4 deer...6 bunnies) that I became overjoyed with the fact that I might indeed be a real princess! so I did the most logical thing possible, I sang to them! It was just lovely! So lovely, that it inspired me to make a run to Tops and pick out a pomegranate and a loaf of french bread. Tops was not very fun this evening-I don't know what triggered it but it ended up turning into an unwanted trip down memory lane...Brain stop being so spastic and focus on something else useful. Oh my god I'm so tired, it's five in the morning. Anyhow I stopped by and ate my pom with Sierra-we watched some Project Runway (Season Finale) and then I drove back home. I wanted Mondo to win PR-his collection was absolute sass. I always eat my pom out a bowl-like cereal...Isaiah taught me how to do it and it's probably the only way I will eat it now. I will write something meaningful tomorrow -I'm drifting in and out of precious slumber.

"But I won't regret, cause you can grow flowers from where dirt used to be."

Goodnight!

She Went To Her Wardrobe And She Threw Away The Color

Reasons To Be Happy #29

1. Purple

2. Loose leaf tea

3. Ghandi wisdom

5. Cranking the heat

6. Four leaf clovers

7. Crossword puzzles

8. Mennonite honey

9. Running into someone you like

10. All things coffee

11. Weaving

Today went well! I fell asleep in awkward position and woke up super early because of it-but I moved and slept till one. I agreed to lend out a halloween costume and skyped with Rachel for awhile after I awkwardly walked by a man painting my door whilst wearing nothing but my towel (me...not him.) I then went and got some coffee-and seriously downed it in like 5 minutes. Then I checked up on some job apps and bought some loose leaf relaxation tea from radiance. I'll go back and buy some more tomorrow, it's really good! I need to get a different strainer though because mine sucks...the holes are way to big. I also purchased a little good luck charm of the earth with my favorite quotation engraved on it; "We must be the change we wish to see in the world." Ghandi. I then had a nice chat with Catherine (so good to see her!) and we planned to meet up again soon for...surprise..coffee:) After that I talked to Carolyn on the phone for like an hour and we had a quality conversation about frustrating events taking place. Then we agreed that we needed to bond a lot because Meg and Amy were supposed to be close (well in the book at least.) After all of this I headed home and made delicious tea, and had a couple bites of some ham, then made cookies for Josh. I spent a lot of time with my kitty. She's really needy:) I called Andra to see if she was heading over and she said she was soon-then Sierra called and said she was alone at the house so I called Andra back and said that we were spending the night in Cedrona! I drove out-listening to Kate Nash the whole way. Then Andra and I made some toast and I weaved a hemp bracelet while Sierra watched Criminal Minds and Dancing with the Stars. She got really pissed at me because apparently she's super emotionally invested in Criminal Minds and I wasn't getting into it. Then Gypsy (Doxen) attacked Apollo (Pom) so I had to put the little shit in her carrier and she barred her teeth at me the whole time. Then Apollo cried for like 5 minutes and we took him upstairs to cuddle-but he smelled rancid so we locked him out...and then he chewed up another razor blade and I cried because that's just not something I can handle. We also almost ate a whole bag of candy and I definitely drank a large pot of tea-alone. We gave Apollo a bath soon after and he was not pleased. He looks like a rat when he's wet. A cute rat. Then Sierra and I got into a heated debate over whether we should watch Ice Sculptures or Rock of Love. I love Bret Michaels. Time for me to have some water and hit the sack:) It's been a long been a long been a long been a long day.

Definition: Little things by the counter at the store- Are always so tempting. It doesn't matter if it's a pack of gum, a nail file, a polly pocket set, stickers. I always want it.

Piece of mind- Optimism!!! I will eventually get hired and my faraway friends come home soon:) I can't believe it's the last weekend of Into the Woods. I am a completely different person than I was at the beginning of this project. I am better and stronger...and happier:)

Have to finish weaving! A little hemp bracelet with pink woven through...oh and did I mention that I LOVE THIS TEA.

"You have to be someone."

Namaste:)

We Are Building A Religion

Reasons To Be Happy #29

1. Fluffy bath towels

2. Empty rooms

3. Burning CDs

4. Reading in a comfy chair

5. The original Rocky Horror

6. The number 3

7. Fitting into small spaces

8. Festive Cookies

9. Lady GaGa

10. Balsamic vinegar

11. Things that are mini

12. Glue sticks

OH MY! It's taking me a very long time to compose this blog entry due to the fact that I keep getting distracted by my GaGa Etsy search. So many handmade crafts of love that I just need to have! I love you Mother Monster. Right after I get my job I'm ordering a wallet, a necklace, and many many prints of you...oh and christmas cards, can't forget those:) Today was eventful! I woke up to Samara asking something about my phone to which I'm pretty sure I slurred something and threw my phone at her-then of course went back to sleep. When I actually woke up (about 3 hours later) I found out that Nick (douche ex boyfriend of her's) didn't pay the phone bill, and after she gave him money to do so. Worthless fuck. I hope you read this you embezzling, hick, manwhore. This isn't the first time he's taken money from her...hatred. Anyways, after that I headed home and printed off 10 more resumes and cover letters and filled out 4 applications online. Then I set off, again, into the world of the unemployed and desperately looking for work. That was once again-exhausting. Afterwards I felt a little nauseas so I headed to the Cooper Point Starbucks (I was following up on an application) and grabbed some coffee. I sunk in a big arm chair and read Little Women online for about an hour and a half before I decided it was time to go home and clean *sigh*. So I headed home and started cleaning-but alas I did not get very far before I started skyping Eddie and he FINALLY looked at my blog-and he loved it-duh. So now he's probably going to get one because he copies everything I do:) We talked for a long long time-until his computer died actually. Then I started promoting Little Women and Into the Woods via facebook and I noticed something wonderful pop up in my ministalkerfeed. GLORIOUS. There is a god. And so I danced all the way to my car (Full gas tank too!) and then immediately set out to purchase some celebratory cookies. Once at Freddies I purchased a mini mango sorbet and 2 packs of halloween sugar cookies. My favesies. I belted out Semi Precious Weapons the whole way there. HER HAIR IS ON FIRE!!! That's my favorite one to sing along with. Anyways:) After I got home, I called Andra to check up and it made me sad-so I told her to come over and enjoy a cookie. Then I talked to Liz about life for about an hour via (my faulty) phone while I devoured 14 cookies and 3 sushi rolls...what the fuck pregnant. Well after that I of course felt sick-so I threw up and felt much better. Then I went and worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes and came to where I am now-googling Lady GaGa fan-wear. Andra just got here too:) By the way, I have the nicest kitties.

Definition: Cinderella Pumpkins- Sunken in, fairytale looking pumpkins that just seem so magical. Like it will turn into a carriage and little mystical rodents will bring you a ball gown to wear while riding in it.

Piece of Mind- My friend Gabriella does the most obnoxious thing every time we go out to eat. She plays with her food. Kali especially get's upset and is always saying "Stop that!" and taking away the ketchup from her. Gab argues that it's pretty and colorful. We usually argue that the waitress is going to hate us, and we're regulars so we can't afford any discontentment from her.

But in a way Gab is right. No, I don't like it when people play with their food necessarily, but I spilled my coffee today while I was at Starbucks and I thought to myself "Wow, that kind of looks like a flower." There is art in every splatter, no matter how intentional. I think I'm going to make a journal called "Mistakes" and drop different liquids onto each page, from at least 5 feet up, just to remind myself that there is beauty in everything.

"Now today is tomorrow and tomorrow's today
And yesterday is weaving in and out
And the fluffy white lines that the airplane leaves behind
Are drifting right in front of the waning of the moon"

Good day:)

ALSO: Look at how cute those cake toppers are! And of course the GaGa merch:)

Throwing Caution Through The Wind

Reasons To Be Happy #28

1. Gilmore Girls

2. Compliments

3. Walking

4. The painted plate

5. Friendly people

6. Belting out The Strokes

7. Chai tea

8. Tetris

9. Getting mail

10. Candles

Right now I'm typing into text edit from Alayna's bed because the power went out and so did the wifi. This day has been beyond epic. I don't know where to even begin. Here goes:

I woke up at 1:00 PM exactly, and immediately went to shower out the 2 days worth of hairspray from my head. Then I printed off 10 resumes and cover letters and headed out on my job search. No more nice girl waiting for a call….I'm applying to the whole fucking world, I applied and rallied to mangers and filled out applications for hours (about 4) I got rid of all my resumes. SOMEONE HIRE ME! Tomorrow I plan on turning in 10 more. I did all of that on one cup of coffee-so naturally I was exhausted afterward! I headed to Forever21 to exchange my new shoes (they gave me two right feet) and it took them about an hour to find a left foot. But alas, they did! And now I can wear them! After all of that I was even more tired so I decided to stop in at Alayna's house for a nap. I woke up to the dogs (WHO AREN'T FIXED) about to get jiggy with it on top of my chest. Not the correct place to impregnate someone... So I freaked out. Shortly after, Samara and Sierra got home and rewoke me after that terribly traumatic experience. We talked for awhile and then Samara left, leaving Sierra and I the house. I wanted a glass of wine really bad but still had to run home and to check my bank account. So we set out to the ATM (and possibly Taco Bell...) and that was rather uneventful actually looking back at it. Although it felt like an adventure because we ended up stopping in at Safeway too. Once home we were both chatting online when suddenly the power flickered and went completely out. So it's like 11 PM, and Sierra is screaming bloody murder upstairs and I'm thinking there's an axing psycho and course I get up there and she says "I'm afraid of the dark." and then continues to cry. So I go to my car and get a flashlight, and I know that there are no candles in the house because when we carved pumpkins there weren't either. While I'm checking around the neighborhood to see if anyone else has power, Sierra is talking on her phone so much that it dies. So then she uses my phone to call her grandma at drunk-oclock. Then Sierra starts rambling about how the sun's not going to rise in the morning and how she can't not know what time it is and my phone is ringing and blowing up with texts. So I turn away from craycray for like 5 seconds and answer to find Andra a hot mess. Her and Greg broke up so I force Sierra into the car and we are on our way. I probably went like 85 on the freeway because I got there fast-and it wasn't pretty. He is such a douchebag-and it's only frustrating that we already knew that. But he's really gone for good this time-I think. We took down all of the pictures, got rid of all the clothes, and I put all of the presents in my car and will take them back tomorrow. We comforted for about an hour before Abby arrived and we all chatted and had some cookies in the giant bed. Sierra and I left soon after...back to the dark house. I need to put gas in my car. Anyhow now I have kitty sleeping next to me, and I'm exhausted again.

Definition- Taco Bell #8- Chalupas, best thing on the menu.

Piece of mind- Being alone is not something you ever want to force yourself to do. No one wants a Christmas by themselves-or a Valentines Day. But the fact is that it's necessary to grow up. You can't really be happy with someone else until you're happy with your independent self.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go."
- Dr. Seuss

:)

He'll Fight, He'll Fly, And Then He'll Die

Reasons To Be Happy #27

1. Halloweentown

2. Sweater vests

3. Clean hair

4. Meowing

5. Lipstick

6. Karma

7. Flowy dresses

8. Mountains

9. Staying in character

10. Peanut butter cookies

11. Little Women

12. Driving in the fall

One of my new favorite things is driving when the air is crisp and dry outside-and it's absolutely freezing, so you are so bundled up in your car (gloves and whatnot) with the heat blasting and the colored leaves falling all over your car and into the road. Today I left an hour early just to take a super scenic route. The trees look so beautiful. I was listening to Cake the whole time too so it just felt perfect. I woke up today-went and bought a latte, then was off to Hot Toddy to purchase a new keychain. Her name is Coral and she's a scuba diver. The woman at Hot Toddy let me in before they opened because she said she knew me well and liked me. There are so many kind people in the world! I always feel bad for my Stew's Brews weekend barista because he must think I'm absolutely bonkers. I always get there on my way to the theatre so A. I'm hardly awake. B. I never park at a reasonable distance away from the window. C. The Stokes is usually blasting and I'm always flustered with my wallet and D. I never have any makeup on and my hair is usually in a bun atop my head. He knows my drink though!

Today the show went well except for some tech issues-that went terribly terribly awry. For instance, my birds not only fell from the sky in the first scene-but so did the weight and they all broke from hitting the floor....as I was singing "Fly birds...back to the sky..." they were not flying, they were actually quite dead, on the floor of my house. But I am proud to say that I did not break character. How the fuck did I do that. Anyhow. The next bird scene they came down and didn't move....just kind of floated. And the last bird scene...which I was of course dreading, they didn't come out of the sky at all. COME ON. I mean seriously. How many times are you going to test my improv. Just get it right. Then the bridge was in the wrong place for like 4 scenes and the tree couldn't move so the witch was stuck in it during the last "Crunch" so Danny and I went and moved the bridge...which of course was awkward but she had to get out of that tree. Then I decided to paint the baby's nose red and draw fangs on it's face. Danny was not pleased when he found out-onstage of course. Then he got so distracted at one point (by the cabbage patch rudolph vampire baby that I had created) that he said "A Yam Maiden" instead of "Young Maiden." Lord have mercy....I absolutely lost it. Thank god we are supposed to look happy because I was actually dying of laughter. After the show I headed to Andra's and told her about my life. Apparently the little girls' cheer competition went horribly. They scored a 98 out of 100 and then were disqualified for having stunts that were "too dangerous." I feel bad for them! When I was in middle school that competition was really important to me. I would practice my jumps and kicks all year so I could win jumping queen and so our team could get first place. Wow. I didn't realize until just then that I am Rachel Barry. Yikes. Anyhow-you girls are the real winners so don't fret:) As soon as we got home I made like 10 pots of tea and had some french bread and balsamic vinegar as we watched Dexter. Everything on Showtime is so quality. I spent 2 hours filling out a job app while Halloweentown played (shout out to the Disney Channel) and then the server went down and my extensive job app didn't save. That was beyond frustrating. So I called Danny, talked to him for awhile and then watched this other freaky medical show with Andra. Now she's asleep and I have migrated upstairs. Hello couch. You are basically my bed. Anyways- I have a lot of places to go badger about hiring me tomorrow so I need to get some sleep!

Dream: Concentrate and focus on your goals.

Definition: Eggs- Good inside food, sometimes with other food...never ever alone.

Piece of mind: I'm happy:) I hope someone hires me!

"I've lost my marbles."

I will always love you Peter Pan.

More pictures of GaGa.

I need her,

Some Rise By Sin And Some By Virtue Fall

Reasons To Be Happy #26

1. Coffee creamer

2. Sparkles

3. Melons

4. Hummus

5. The Whip It soundtrack

6. Touch screens

7. Chocolate milk

8. Helping people

9. Picking up litter

10. Finding a quarter

11. Mechanical pencils

12. Picking off dried hot glue.

Right now I'm blogging from the kitchen as my brother and his friends beg me to take them to Burger King-which normally I'd be like "Of course!!" but they just had McDonalds so that hardly seems like a good idea. Today i woke up at 1:00 PM! I'm so lazy. Andra came over and we headed down the road to this quaint little farm with cheap pumpkins and gourds! I spent 3 dollars and bought 1 white pumpkin, 3 mini pumpkins, and 5 gourds. A definite steal:) I'm planning on going back for a cinderella pumpkin...I mean I have to right? They're this beautiful deep red color and I just really want one! After we got home and washed them off I sprayed the white one with gold glitter to make a cute little center piece for the table! I plan on dipping the mini's in colored glitter tomorrow-I'm seriously stoked. I want to be a hot Martha Stewart. After painting the pumpkins and having some delicious Wonderland Tea, I headed to the theatre and consumed like 10 peanut butter cookies and put a wig on the cabbage patch doll. I seriously contemplated bringing it onstage like that...but decided that Danny would probably be really pissed at me if his baby came back onstage wearing a victorian wig. So I didn't do it. But I took a picture with it. After the show I headed home, bought a baguette, and now here I am, typing, but I really really need to get to bed. My dad took my car keys-I don't know why exactly. It was very strange. He was mad at Josh and so he said he was using me as an "example" and took my keys. He also ripped my poor mermaid off of the keychain. I definitely cried about this. I love Shelly the mermaid. I don't know why he was being so mean. But I didn't even talk back-which is stranger right? I'm always such a know-it-all bitch in situations like that. I guess I was so dumbfounded at the fact that I hadn't done anything to provoke him and I still managed to be reprimanded...I hid his car keys in the litter box, but I'm taking them out. I'm older than that now. Even though I must say that was some quick spiteful thinking on my part. Hopefully he apologizes in the morning-doubtful...but maybe. That kind of ruined my night, but I'm still trying to be positive:)

I don't really have anything else to say tonight-except that I miss my best friend right now. Even if they don't know what to say having someone to talk to is so nice. I vow to always be the person that anyone can talk to in confidence. Everyone needs someone like that in their lives. Having someone to trust is important.

"Kites rise highest against the wind- not with it."

That quote just has to be true.